I have a great imagination, which is both my greatest gift and greatest cross. Imagination helps me so much when I'm writing, but when I'm worried, my imagination runs completely amok. I blow things out of proportion, making them worse than they really are, what psychologists call "catastrophizing" or "awfulizing." Someone is ten minutes late coming home, and I picture a car accident. Someone doesn't answer the phone, and I think they're on the floor, felled by a heart attack. Of course all of us know that these occurrences can and do come true, which is probably why so many of us deal with worry. But to live one's life at the "mercy" of worry is no life at all.
In his book "Worry," Harvard Medical School psychiatrist Edward M. Halliwell, calls worry "a disease of the imagination." Deacon Eddie Ensley, PhD says "When fear and stress rise to the cerebral cortex, the mind imagines the worst possibilities. Our thoughts turn toxic, thinking of possible dire circumstances. When we worry, a slide show of terrible possibilities flows through our minds. Worries come unbidden, lessening our enjoyment of work, our friends and family, and even God.
"Hallowell, a practicing Christian, suggests that worry is a form of fear. When fear reaches the cerebral cortex, - the part of the brain that thinks and feels, remembers and imagines - thoughts and emotions are added to the fear, deepening its power. Worry leaves us with an intense sense of powerlessness and vulnerability." (from Ensley's book "Healing the Soul.")
In my personal experience, a whole other layer of worry, anxiety, fear and imagination-run-amok occurs when we've had traumatic experiences like serious accidents, or the deaths and serious illnesses of loved ones. We experience Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome - like symptoms, which are actually part of our body's natural response to trauma. For example, we may experience
1) Intrusive thoughts and memories, often triggered by encountering a person, place, or thing which remind us of the trauma.
2) Hypervigilance, which is our body attempting to keep us safe. We're constantly tense and "on guard." We have to maintain a constant awareness of our environment, looking for threats. We have increased anxiety, which causes exhaustion. Being in a state of insecurity, we can startle easily. If we're in situations that make us uncomfortable, we can begin to sweat, or our heart rate quickens, or we have shallow or rapid breathing.
3) Hyperarousal: we're keyed up and on edge, because fear and anxiety tell us that danger is present, and our body is preparing us to flee, freeze, or take flight.
4) Feeling unsafe: our assumptions about the world being safe have been shattered. For our keyed-up imaginations, any situation or place is potentially dangerous.
How can we tell that our fear, worry, and post-traumatic-like symptoms have gotten out of control? We have to watch out for a loss of interest in those people, places, and activities that we used to enjoy. That can signal serious depression.
We have to monitor ourselves about an avoidance of thoughts and feelings through substance abuse or over-work.
We can develop healthy coping skills by establishing a daily routine and scheduling positive activities into every day. We can use yoga exercises and breathing exercises, and mindfulness techniques to bring calmness and relieve stress.
How else can we cope with life-destroying fear, anxiety, and worry? Deacon Eddie Ensley counsels
"So - how can we break this cycle of 'toxic' worry and begin to live a life of freedom and grace? When worries grow severely toxic, talking out your worries with a trained doctor or therapist is essential. Talking worries over with a trusted family member or friend can also help.
"And yet, talking with God about our concerns is every bit as important if we truly want to gain a sense of peaceful perspective. Generations have found prayer to be a huge antidote to worry. Prayer breaks the cycle of constantly digging up our worries and chewing on them over and over again."
"Prayer?" You might say. "I trusted God, yet this terrible thing happened to me or to my loved one."
But - who else are you going to go to? Who knows more about terrible things than Jesus, Son of God, who was tortured and killed? Jesus also felt as if his Father had abandoned him. God's merciful love for us is eternal. Even though we may currently feel as if we inhabit a circle of hell, God promises to carry us through this. God promises us that He has a divine, loving plan for each of our lives, and that, even if we feel abandoned by God - as Jesus did on the cross - God never abandons us. Remember, after asking his Father why He had abandoned his Son, Jesus made an act of faith and said "Into your hands, Lord, I commend my spirit."
We can use our imaginations in a healthy way to strengthen our connection with our totally loving, merciful God. We too can place our spirits into God's loving hands.
Picture Jesus sitting in front of you, listening.
Jesus says to you "I am safe for you to talk with. I will not judge you in any way."
Talk about your worries and fears with him. Tell them to him, one by one. As you describe each one, maybe a person or situation or a post traumatic-like symptom, picture Jesus stretching out his hands so that you can place each person or stressful situation or symptom into his hands. See his hands lovingly close around your worries, the people you worry about, the situation that has you in tears, the symptoms that you fear will never go away. Watch Jesus lift his hands full of your cares to his heart and place them within his heart of divine mercy.
Now picture Jesus beckoning you closer so that he can embrace you. As his arms close around you, you are surrounded by his light and the warmth of his love soaks into your body and mind and soul, calming you and soothing you.
As Jesus holds you, whisper "Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me" over and over until you feel calm.
Now you hear Jesus say to you "I love you. I love every person whom you have told me about. I am working to heal your loved ones and these stressful situations and symptoms. Trust me. Trust my will. Trust my timing. You are safe with me."
God is always faithful. God is always at work in our minds, hearts, and souls, healing us, setting us free. Great is his faithfulness. Every morning we can experience his merciful love for us in a new way.