Perhaps today we see the mistakes we made in relationships in the past that, with our greater maturity, we wouldn't make now. But - that was then, and this is now. We have to forgive ourselves for our pasts, and not allow the world's negativity to shame us. We have to accept that we've learned our lessons when we were able to - and were meant to. We have to accept that everything that we do or fail to do can and should be a learning experience.
None of us has a tragic, fatal flaw. We are simply, as Fr. Richard Rohr puts it, mixed blessings. None of us will ever be perfect until we're in Heaven. But, in the meantime, we can try to, every minute, open our hearts to the beautiful unity we share with Our Lord - in spite of our sins, flaws, and shortcomings. Daily, slowly, carefully, God within us, and around us, enlightens us to know ourselves better, and strengthens us to stay on the path of new growth. God speaks to us in our hearts, and also in the affirming words of loved ones, and through the heart-stopping power and beauty of Nature around us.
Because of God's ongoing love, we're ALWAYS changing, even though we usually don't notice this. But, we can separate ourselves from God and choose to regress. If we stay open to God's faithful love, we'll change to become stronger and more aware. We'll love ourselves because, deep within, we've accepted that God loves us, that God sees and also gives us our beauty and strength, that with God, all things are possible - even for a mixed blessing like ourselves!
Once we accept that we are ALL mixed blessings, we can be humble about who we are, and more understanding of and lenient with the flaws of others (even those drivers who cut us off!) After all, God is immensely patient with US.
Jesus tells the parable of the weeds and the wheat which a householder discovered growing up together in his field, even though he knew he had sown good seed. He knew that an enemy must have done this. But when his slaves ask him if he wants them to pull the weeds up, he says "No, if you pull up the weeds, you might uproot the wheat along with them. Let them grow together until harvest." Satan, human fragility, flaws, personal sins, and original sin all work against us to produce "weeds" in our lives. But God waits until we die before He gently separates our weeds of fragility, flaws, and sins from the golden wheat of our goodness, giftedness, and lovability.
When we speak of original sin, we sometimes think that we are to blame for it. But, no - original sin is a built-in vulnerability that we are born with. In many ways, it is like the environmental impact we all experience from the families and neighborhoods we are born into. Our families influence us way beyond our understanding - and that means our families which stretch back for generations. With every new year of our life, we can gain insight into how our families have affected us, genetically, spiritually, and emotionally, for good and for ill. Each new enlightenment and moment of Holy Spirit-given self-understanding produces new growth in us and a deeper capacity to accept ourselves, love ourselves, and love others with greater commitment.
Fr. Rohr explains original sin for us:
"Unfortunately, the word “sin” in our vocabulary implies culpability or personal fault. In fact, the precise meaning of original sin is that we are not personally culpable for it, but it was somehow passed on to us and all people share in it. The supposed “doctrine” of original sin was actually meant to be a consolation; because if we know our own self as a mixed blessing, and that each of us is filled with contradictions and is a mystery to self, then we won’t pretend that we can totally eliminate or even hide all that we consider unworthy or inferior within. This provides a program for human humility. As Jesus said in the parable of the weeds and the wheat, we can even “let them both grow together until the harvest” (Matthew 13:30). Let God decide what is truly good and what is really bad, because even our judgments are infected with “original sin.
God does not expect us to be perfect - not yesterday, not now, and not tomorrow. The harvest-time is Heaven. What God does desire is for us to look at what He asks us to do, then shrug and say to ourselves - and God - "O.K., I'll give it a shot. I'll do my best. And, God, I'll expect you to make up for what I lack." As I've said before, God prepares the way for us, and sweeps up after us. Somehow, mysteriously, God can bring good - love - even out of our flawed attempts, if we act with love to begin with. After all, the Divine dwells within us; we are made in the Divine Image; we have both human and divine DNA. We can trust that we give far more love and light in every situation than we can even begin to imagine! Fr. Rohr says,
"It seems all God wants are useable instruments who will carry the mystery, the weight of glory and the burden of sin simultaneously, who can bear the darkness and the light, who can hold the paradox of incarnation—flesh and spirit, human and divine, joy and suffering—at the same time, just as Jesus did."
Love God, love yourself, love others. Trust that you are lovable because the Divine Mystery created you and dwells within you, died for you and rose for you, and gifts you continually with the gifts you need in every circumstance. Forgive yourself for the weeds that grow in your soul with the wheat - because every one of us has the same mixed field of weeds and wheat in our souls. Take a deep breath, every day, love yourself, contemplate all that is good in your life, - and choose to LIVE!