Novelist Richard Bach once wrote a story about a very restless bird named "Jonathan Livingston Seagull," who is not satisfied with being a seagull. Jonathan does not understand why he is driven to always want to fly higher, faster, and farther than he or any seagull has ever flown before, why he wants to transcend the limits that seem to be inborn. Yet the book's astounding popularity shows that this seagull's story resonates with human beings. Fr. Ronald Rolheiser explains
"Everyone identifies with Jonathan. We are that gull, restless and dissatisfied, driven by a perpetual inner disquiet that we do not always fully recognize or understand, pushing always harder, to fly faster, to go more places, to break through, to break out of the asphyxiating confines of our place and condition in time and history. Jonathan's loneliness is our loneliness, namely restlessness." (in "The Restless Heart")
Why are we all, every one of us, so restless and unsatisfied?
Dissatisfied with ourselves, with our lives, even, sometimes, with our society's concept of morality or love?
Because every one of us has been kissed by God.
We all have dark, unconscious memories of that time once, before we were born, when we were touched and caressed by hands far more loving and gentle than the hands of anyone on this earth. A time when our soul was kissed by God. These caresses, that kiss, leave an indelible brand on our heart and soul. From the moment we're born, we see and understand and measure everyone and everything through that primordial prism, that unearthly tenderness and sweetness. "To be in touch with your heart is to be in touch with this primordial kiss, with both its preciousness and its meaning." (Rolheiser)
No wonder we are so restless and dissatisfied. "All the goodness, love, value, and tenderness we experience in life fall short precisely because we already know something deeper. When we feel frustrated, angry, betrayed, violated, or enraged, it is in fact because our outside experience is so different from what we already hold dear inside."
These caresses, this kiss, have left a place in our hearts where we hold all that is precious and sacred to us, a place from which our kisses and tears come forth, a place we guard carefully from others, yet yearn to share. Here we are most deeply alone. Here we are most deeply holy. This is the place that feels right and wrong most strongly, When we are violated, under attack, this is the place that is violated. When we are compassionate, this is the place compassion flows out from in a mighty river. When we recognize goodness and truth outside us, it is because they resonate with the truth and goodness inside us in this holy place. This is the place of God's Image within us, God's caresses, kiss, brand, energy, and fire.
Every human being has received these tender caresses, this Divine Kiss, before birth. Every one of us. Our race doesn't matter, nor does our ethnicity, nor our sexual orientation, nor our political persuasion, nor our social class, nor our legal or illegal status, nor whether we are outside or inside a jail cell, nor if we live with mental illness or a disability. We all have been kissed by God, bear God's sacred, burning Image inside of us in the holiest place imaginable.
Yet society does not understand this radical dignity of being blessed before birth with God's Kiss. Society views some of us as being "damaged goods." Some people in society view others as being "less than" themselves.
Heather Kirn Lanier has a mostly non-verbal daughter, who still toddles as a kindergartener because she is missing a chunk of a chromosome, which makes her small and epileptic and developmentally and intellectually delayed. Part of Heather's mind says that she would fix that chromosome if she could. Another part of her says "No. She's not 'damaged goods.' She's good and she's whole and she's holy." Heather continues "This second voice did not mean that my daughter was 'special' or 'angelic' or any of the other tropes of disability. It just meant that she was good and whole and holy simply because she was human." (in "My Daughter Has A Disability, I Don't Want Jesus To 'Fix' Her," America magazine, May 15, 2017.)
In "The Disabled God," Nancy L. Eisland points out that the resurrected Christ does not have a perfect, ethereal body: he continues to bear a broken, wounded, human body. He still has the slash in his side, the holes in his hands and his feet. He even invites Thomas to place his hand in the wound in his side. He is not afraid to bear the tortured signs of his crucifixion; he is not ashamed to be in some small way disabled. She argues,
"In so doing (encouraging his disciples to touch his wounds)"this disabled God is also the revealer of a new humanity. The disabled God is...the revelation of true personhood, underscoring the reality that full personhood is fully compatible with the experience of disability."
Full personhood does not depend on having perfect bodies or perfect minds or the perfect amount of wealth or power. Full personhood is derived from being kissed by God in that time before we are born. We all are fully human and carry the Divine as well.
Why then do we commonly hear people insulting each other with terms like "moron" or "retard"? Why does Princeton ethicist Peter Singer continue to spread his vile message that babies with disabilities can ethically be killed? Why are some countries pushing for all babies with Down's syndrome to be aborted so that these countries can reach their goal of being "Down's-Free?" Why are Euthansia Vans in Belgium being sent to Psychiatric Hospitals so that people who literally cannot think for themselves can be encouraged to choose death?
How many of us have been captivated by the smile of a child with Down's Syndrome, been refreshed by their innocence? How many of us know someone who, in the throes of clinical depression, wanted to die but then with the proper medication and counseling "came back from the dead" to live happy and productive lives? Why does our culture have one mental image of what we must be like in order to not only live good, happy lives, but even to be "worthy" to live? Sometimes in the most so-called "broken" or "damaged" among us we can find most clearly the Face of our Resurrected God, and they ease our heart's restless longing to see the face of the One Who kissed us.
We all have a holy restlessness, a loneliness that issues from deep in our hearts, a hunger and thirst which cannot be assuaged where we live in time because it has been placed in our hearts by the kiss of the Timeless One Who Lives Outside of Time. All of us long to be reunited with the One Who has caressed us, so much so that everything here is smoke and mirrors. Only others whose hearts recognize the Presence of the Divine within can be kindred spirits who understand us and can visit us in that deep place where all that is most precious to us is honored and guarded.
"Great friendships and great marriages, invariably, have this deep moral affinity at their root. The persons in these relationships are 'lovers' in the true sense because they sleep with each other at the deepest level, irrespective of whether they have sex with each other. At the level of feeling, this kind of love is experienced as a 'coming home,' as finding a home." (Rolheiser)
The question is - do we have the courage, the compassion, the inner freedom, to look into the eyes of someone different from us, perhaps someone even scorned by our society and culture, and find a kindred spirit, a soulmate? Do we recognize that not only are we kissed by God, but that everyone around us has been, and that hearts which recognize God Within can be found and connected with in anyone, and everywhere?
You can touch the cheek of a young one with schizophrenia and know she's been kissed by God because God and you find her so lovable.
You can touch a prisoner's hand, and find a spiritual resting place.
You can hug a gay man or lesbian woman (and they can hug straights) and find a loving home.
You can look into the face of a Muslim woman and say to yourself "Yes, she has been kissed by God, and she knows it."
You can smile and laugh with a child with Down's Syndrome and recognize that her boundless energy is Holy Spirit-Driven.
Your soul can bow down before any number of people and profoundly realize that Love, the Kiss of God, caresses and is the Life of the Universe. What great optimism this generates in our hearts! What a delight in the Mystery Whom we hunger and thirst for!
O God, You are my God, and there is a burning need in my heart to meet You. You placed it there, with Your Kiss.