Once, when I thought of people who had different sexual orientations, I thought of those nameless, faceless "homosexuals." I wondered how they could BE that way, love that way. Even though my Church makes a distinction between "orientation" (how you think and feel in regards to whom you are attracted to) which is accepted by the Catholic Church as part of who you are, and "activity" - how you act on those desires, which my Church does not accept - I never understood how someone could be so radically different from me. Then these gay men and lesbian and bisexual women who love differently than the way I do began to enter my life and tell me their stories. They love God as I do. They love their families and friends, the people they date or are married to or partnered to as I love my husband. They have joys, hopes, fears, and sometimes deep, deep wounds from rejection or from being unable to accept themselves. They give me firm, sweet hugs.
It is so easy to fear people who are different from us. It is so easy to be cynical and believe that the face someone shows to the world is not who he or she is - I think of the people who were shocked and stunned when Muslim co-workers or neighbors suddenly were unveiled as terrorists. Whom can we trust? And, why should we bother to reach out, if someone's beliefs or practices are not something we understand, or maybe do not even approve of? Or think of as "sinful"? I realize that those who read my posts probably have widely varying opinions about Muslims and/or the L.G.B.T. community. But, regardless of our opinions, God calls on us to walk with and accompany others with compassion.
Jesus teaches us to be compassionate, to build bridges to others, even and perhaps especially if they think differently and act differently. Why? Because whenever we draw close to others, God gives us the great revelation that they are more like us than we could ever begin to imagine. They are human beings, made in the image and likeness of God. Pope Francis urges us to accompany others on their life journey. To walk with them in solidarity with their joys and sufferings. The word "compassion" means "to experience with, to suffer with." We need not agree with everything which another believes or does in order to be compassionate. We need only treat them as our equals in the eyes of God. When we walk with others in this way, we are "freed up" to also discover their gifts.
Our Muslim friend, an aide at a nursing home, who cared for our mother, demonstrated an incredible respect and sensitivity for an elderly, dying woman. In her, we saw in a tangible way the African respect for their elders. She gave Mom natural, uncomplicated love, with kisses, and simple jokes, wonderful gifts for the demented and ill that are no longer practiced by so many Americans, who fear illness and fear dying. At Mom's funeral, she spoke with tears about Mom now being with God - Allah - in His beautiful, eternal garden.
Among my gay brothers and lesbian sisters, I have seen committed love and self-sacrifice for family, friends, and partners/spouses, and a great compassion for anyone else who is suffering. As Fr. James Martin, S.J., observes (in "We need to build a bridge between the LGBT community and the Catholic Church," "America" magazine).
"Many, if not most, L.G.B.T. people have endured, from an early age, misunderstanding, prejudice, hatred, persecution and even violence, and so often feel a natural compassion toward the marginalized. Compassion is a gift. They have often been made to feel unwelcome in their parishes and in their church, but they persevere because of their vigorous faith. Perseverance is a gift. They are often forgiving of clergy and other church employees who treat them like damaged goods. Forgiveness is a gift. Compassion, perseverance, forgiveness are all gifts."
Fr. Martin adds,
"Let me add another gift: that of celibate priests, and brothers who are gay, and chaste members of men's and women's religious orders who are gay or lesbian. There are several reasons why almost no gay and lesbian clergy and religious are public about their sexuality. Among them are the following: They are simply private people; their bishops or religious superiors ask them not to speak about it; they themselves are uncomfortable with their sexuality; or they fear reprisals from parishioners. But there are many holy and hardworking clergy and members of religious orders who are gay or lesbian, and who live out their promises of celibacy and vows of chastity and help us to build up the church. They freely give their whole selves to the church. They themselves are the gift."
One of the key attributes of compassion is the gift of listening. Fr. Martin describes what it would mean for the institutional Catholic Church, the hierarchy, to be wth L.G.B.T. Catholics, to experience life with them, and to listen to them. His advice can be applicable to us in any situation with others:
"It is nearly impossible to experience a person's life, or to be compassionate, if you do not listen to the person, or if you do not ask questions. Questions that Catholic leaders might ask their L.G.B.T. brothers and sisters are: What is your life like? What was it like growing up as a gay boy or lesbian girl or transgender person? How have you suffered? What are your joys? And: What is your experience of God? What is your experience of the church? What do you hope for, long for, pray for? For the church to experience compassion, we need to listen.
He continues, "Church leaders also need to stand up for their L.G.B.T. brothers and sisters when they are persecuted. In many parts of the world, L.G.B.T. persons are liable, again in the words of the catechism, to appalling incidents of 'unjust discrimination' - to prejudice, to violence and even to murder....In those countries, the institutional church has a moral duty to stand up for their brothers and sisters, publicly....It is part of being a disciple of Jesus Christ. If you doubt that, read the parable of the Good Samaritan. (Luke 10:25-37).
Fr. Martin continues, "Closer to home, what would it mean for the church in the United States to say, when needed, 'It is wrong to treat the L.G.B.T. community like this'? Catholic leaders regularly publish statements defending - as they should - refugees and migrants, the poor, the homeless, the unborn. This is one way to stand with people: by putting yourself out there, even taking heat for them.
"But where are statements in support of our L.G.B.T. brothers and sisters? When I ask this, some people say, 'You can't compare what refugees face with what L.G.B.T. people face.' And as someone who worked with refugees in East Africa, I know that's true. But it is important not to ignore the disproportionately high rates of suicide...among L.G.B.T. youths and the fact that L.G.B.T. people are the victims of proportionally more hate crimes...than any other minority group in the country."
How often when we are out shopping, do we see a man or woman dressed as a Muslim, or a Sikh, and look away rather than risk an encounter with our eyes? Would a smile or a few words really cost us? How often when we speak or preach to a congregation, do we remember that there are members of the L.G.B.T. community out there, unwilling out of fear of hatred or prejudice, to reveal who they are, deep in their psyches? (Psychology teaches us that our sexual orientation is part of who we are, not something that we choose.) When we write Prayers of the Faithful, do we include our L.G.B.T. brothers and sisters?
Most deeply, compassion is recognizing with truth and humility that every human life is sacred. Every person is worthy of a smile, a kind word, a spirited defense when he or she is attacked. When we are with another, even for a short time, and we have the choice of whether to smile or to speak or to act, do we know if this man or woman is a terrorist? Do we know if he or she is in a sexual relationship that we cannot understand, or which we might think is sinful? Do we know if this individual is planning suicide - as a suicide terrorist, or a suicide because he or she feels unloved and unwanted? No. And for us, at that moment of possible encounter, that is not important. What is important to God is our heart, our words, our actions, right here, right now. For God, our Way, our Truth, our Life, this sacred soul in front of us requires that we show him/her our utmost respect and sensitivity and compassion. And who knows - our smile, our words, our actions - may make all the difference in his/her life.