As I carefully placed my cooled cut-outs - jolly candy canes, stars, bells, and gingerbread men - in layers separated by waxed paper, my husband Paul stopped his cleaning chores and gazed over my shoulder down at the cookies and my hands.
"Do you mind my watching?" He asked.
"Of course not," I replied. "I bet this reminds you of your Mom."
"Yes," he murmured.
Making and baking Christmas cookies reminds me of Paul's Mom and my Mom, too, because from both of them I learned different techniques for making the dough, chilling it, using a floured rolling pin. Somehow at holiday time, our hands can automatically remember ways of doing things, memories that lie dormant until we need to use them again. And the work of our hands brings back memories of those who came before us who taught us, their hands, their voices. Smells of baking cookies redolent with almond and vanilla remind us of children's fingers happily painting those cookies with a variety of vibrant blues, yellows, and pinks.
Christmas can bring both peace and grief to our souls because of these memories. Paul and I are both orphans now, and one set of our children's happy fingers are gone from us as well. Our parents and our one son will be celebrating Christmas in Heaven. Yet, meditating on that truth - that many of our loved ones will be celebrating Christmas with the Holy Family - can deepen our understanding of what Life is like during Christmas in Heaven.
When we remember those who have died, what we remember most is how they loved us and how we loved them. Yet, we know that we still love them, and we should trust that they still love us. Love is the greatest continuing spiritual Force in the Universe. In fact, what our life will be like after we die depends on how much we grew in our capacity to love in this life. Jesus reminds us that it's the simple, daily things - giving food and drink, giving clothing, giving compassionate listening, forgetting ourselves to think of others - that are his and His Father's criteria for who will enter Heaven, which simply means to live in unity with God Who is love, and in the deepest intimacy with the rest of creation.
It's amazing that at every funeral I've attended, these are the very qualities of giving life and love that people share about in their eulogies about their deceased loved ones. Protective parental love. Love for animals. Love for gardening. Love for the poor. Huge Thanksgiving dinners prepared with loving hands. Fabulous cookies and cakes. Outstanding spaghetti sauce.
Yes, it's true - people talk in their eulogies about how well their loved ones knew how to love and be loved, how they fed them and so many others, fed their pets, fed the very earth with fertilizers and water. And they remember people who were humble and had a great sense of humor, who also fed with spiritual food, who called them, or sent letters, who cheered them with affirmation. You hear eulogies like these, and you know right away that this person, who served food to so many is now sitting being waited on by Jesus at the Heavenly Banquet.
Fr. Richard Rohr shares about the spiritual connection between love and heavenly life:
"When you die, you are precisely the capacity you have developed to give and to receive love. Your recognition of this is your own 'final judgment' of yourself, which means you become responsible for what you now see - not shamed or even rewarded, but just deeply responsible. Not surprisingly, this seems to be the universal testimony of people who have gone through near-death experiences - and returned to tell about them."
In other words, we ourselves choose whether we go to Heaven or Hell, and our decision is inextricably tied to our capacity for Love. Rohr continues
"If you have not received or will not give this gift of love to others, your soul remains tied to a small empty world which is probably what we mean by 'hell.' God can only give love to those who want it.
"If you still need to grow in love and increase your capacity to trust Love, God makes room for immense growth surrounding the death experience itself, which is probably what we mean by 'purgatory.' Time is a mental construct of humans. Why would growth be limited to this part of our lives? God and the soul live in an eternal now."
When we think about the wonderful and immense variety of the people, the plant and insect life, the animal and aquatic life which surround us and enthrall us, we realize with a smile that God Who lovingly created not only earth but the universe, is endlessly original and creative. If Heaven is Life with God, isn't Heaven an endlessly creative and surprising place? We don't have to worry about our deceased loved ones being stuck wearing the same white garment and playing a stringed instrument 24-7. Rohr continues
"If you are already at home in love, you will easily and quickly go to the home of love, which is surely what we mean by heaven. There the growth never stops and the wonder never ceases. If life is always change and growth, eternal life must be infinite possibility and growth!"
What this means for us is that our Mom, our Dad, our friend, our child, who now lives with God is continually becoming MORE and MORE of the person we loved here. Growing more and more into his/her capacity to love, to learn new things, to develop, to expand, with constant enthusiasm and joy. Growing in learning how to forgive like God with the depth of God's forgiveness so that they forgive us for all the ways we misunderstood and hurt them while they lived with us on earth. Growing in their loving capacity to understand and be intimate with US.
Don't we want to be ready to be with them? To be growing in love and creative life here so that we are ready to join the persons they are becoming? To grow so that we have a new, enriched understanding and appreciation of who they were - and are? Don't we want to begin to forgive here so that we can forgive our loved ones for the ways in which they hurt us? Think of our joyous reunion then! Think of incredibly new and vibrant relationships with our loved ones, so rich, peaceful, and love-filled that any relationship we had with them here is only a shadow of what awaits us. Fr. Rohr concludes
"So by all means, every day, and in every way, we must choose to live in love - it is mostly a decision - and even be eager to learn the ever deeper ways of love - which is the unearned grace that follows from the decision!"
The greatest way in which God loves us is that He never gives up on us or on our loved ones. God desires everyone who has ever lived or will live to celebrate eternal life with him/her. St. Peter makes that abundantly clear: "Rather He (God) shows you generous patience,, since He wants none to perish but all to come to repentance." Which is why we need to join our hearts to God's heart and pray for the soul of everyone on earth - and those who are in purgatory, going through the growing pains and pangs of becoming purified and cleansed in God's full blazing Light of Love.
I'll close with an imaginative meditation on Christmas in Heaven.
Find a quiet, alone place. Close your eyes.
Quiet your mind and heart. Whisper one of God's Names: "Father, Lord, Beloved, Jesus," until you feel God's peace within you.
Picture a daytime Nativity scene, Mary, Joseph, the Christ Child, an angel on each side, sitting on the grass in a wide meadow. You see a donkey, some oxen, and lambs, and nearby shepherds are piping. Watch Mary smile and cuddle the Child. Watch Joseph lift Him and kiss Him. Hear the Baby cry out in delight. Smell the sweet, fresh grass and flowers. Look up at the fluffy clouds in the bright, blue sky. Hear the angels softly singing your favorite Christmas carols. Birds, wheeling overhead, sing along.
Now notice a group of people confidently approaching, who sit in a circle around the Holy Family and angels, smiling and quietly attentive. Perhaps your well-loved pet is with them, and comes over to sit with you. Look closely at your loved ones' faces. See family members, friends, and co-workers whom you were close to but who have died. See the joy on their faces. See how healthy and vibrant they look.
Notice how one after another of your deceased loved ones notices you, smiles, and waves, calls "hello!" You wave back and call "hello." Maybe someone blows you a kiss, or comes over to embrace you. They say "We're celebrating Christmas with you." Listen to their voices. Watch them play with the lambs or lead the oxen to a brook to drink, or invite you to enjoy the animals with them. They're so relaxed, visiting with each other even if they didn't know each other on earth. If they'd once fought with each other, they're at peace with each other now.
Now this group of your family and friends asks you to come with them to visit the Holy Family. They take both your hands and lead you forward. All of you sit together next to Mary, Joseph, Baby Jesus, and the angels. Someone especially close to you puts an arm around you. Light surrounds all of you, a warm heavenly light that fills you all with joy. Soon everyone, including you, is singing with the angels and birds in perfect harmony.
Mary and Joseph get up, and begin to bring food and drink for everyone to enjoy. Now a meal is taking place, food and beverages that you often enjoyed with your loved ones. Taste it - it's more delicious than ever before. Mary and Joseph eat and drink with you all, calling all of you by name, affirming you. The Baby is passed from person to person to cuddle and enjoy.
You finally hold the Child, and your loved ones smile at you with overwhelming love. The Baby's breath is warm on your face. His eyes welcome you.
Listen to the laughing and jokes, and join in. You are perfectly a part of this gathering, comfortable, at home in everyone's love.
A conversation takes place between you, your deceased loved ones, and the Holy Family.
Listen attentively to the messages that your loved ones and the Holy Family have for you.
Respond to them from your peace-filled heart.
Rest awhile in the peace and love of this huge heavenly family.