There are five ways of loving in the Gospel but loving ourselves is the foundational love. Why we should love ourselves is expressed in 1 Genesis, when God says:
"Let us make human beings in our own Image and Likeness." God loved each one of us enough to create us! Later Genesis tells us that God looked at everyone and everything God had made and found it to be good. This is our original goodness, a deep-down goodness that we can't destroy, ever!
Loving ourselves can be described in many ways - self-respect, self-knowledge, or self-esteem. All of these positive thoughts about ourselves, these feelings of self-worth, stem from our being creatures, unique creations. Each one of us has been fashioned carefully and lovingly by God.
But self-love can be the hardest Gospel love because we see our faults, our sins, our limitations. We are the last person in the world that we feel compassion for - yet God wants us to be compassionate towards ourselves.
Knowing that God created ALL of who we are, we shouldn't try to pick and choose, loving this part of ourselves, but not that part. We have to accept all of who we are, even our flaws, before we can even begin to try to change those parts of ourselves that can and should be changed. God can't work with us if we're expending all our energy on hating ourselves. God can't help us change until we accept ourselves, knowing that "God doesn't make junk."
Self-love is knowing that we have something to offer others. This is true humility - knowing ourselves and our gifts and talents. Immature self-love is being so wrapped up in ourselves and our wants and needs that we expend all our energy defending and promoting ourselves instead of quietly giving ourselves, our gifts and talents, in love. In "giving ourselves away," paradoxically we find ourselves and even transcend ourselves! The deepest, truest self-love leads to selflessness.
One of the best gifts of self-love that we can give ourselves is to avoid the one addiction that society approves of: workaholism. Sometimes it is difficult for committed Christians to find the balance between following Jesus and doing ministry, taking care of others selflessly, and giving ourselves time for leisure and rejuvenation. Yet if we don't feel compassion for ourselves and
give ourselves time to relax, either with others or in healthy solitude, we face anxiety and burn-out.
Allowing leisure for ourselves is honoring the Sabbath. God worked for six days and rested on the seventh. The whole justification for taking a vacation is honoring the Sabbath.
Part of self-knowledge is knowing how much energy we have and using that knowledge creatively and prayerfully to achieve a healthy balance between taking care of others and taking care of ourselves. Honesty is important. For example, as we age, we need more periods of rest in between periods of activity - like a daily nap. Also, introverts and extroverts relax and rejuvenate in different ways.
On retreat this past week, I learned that 75 - 80 % of people in professional or volunteer Church ministry are introverts. Introverts love people, but they need solitude to rejuvenate. Extroverts need to be with people to rebuild their energy. Introverts help themselves by becoming "professional extroverts." But they still have a legitimate need for regular periods of aloneness.
Our retreat master, Fr. Rich, said that he knew he was an introvert because people make him tired. I have always hated to admit to myself that people make me tired; I've always felt as if there was "something wrong" with me, a flaw, because being with people can make me tired. Now I realize that part of self-love for me is to accept that I'm an introvert and not feel guilty about my need to be alone after I've spent time with others.
Knowing ourselves, respecting ourselves, and genuinely loving ourselves is a way of loving and esteeming and thanking God for making us. Every one of us is created in God's Image and Likeness; every one of us has unique gifts to give to the world. The more we love ourselves, the more easily God can work with us to help us change and grow into more and more of who we are. If we are loving and compassionate with ourselves, we'll actively give ourselves leisure time, Sabbath time, to rejuvenate, either as an introvert or an extrovert. So use this Summer to love yourself and care for yourself and feel good about yourself as a true Gift from God!