But underneath the calm face in control of your destiny, lies a different you.
A you that feels out of control, like a car speeding towards a crash. A you that feels desolate, uncared-for.
A you that sits in darkness.
Perhaps you are taking tranquilizers, or anti-depressants. Maybe anti-psychotics. Or opioids.
And - what gets you through the night? Sleeping pills?
Or are you an insomniac, tossing and turning, praying the dawn will come quickly so that your mind will finally stop obsessing?
I don't know your personal pain. It may be physical or mental or emotional.
I don't second-guess your need for medication. Medication can literally save our lives.
And, I've been in soul-wrenching darkness myself, and almost didn't make it out. I often lay awake, obsessing.
I hope you're receiving counseling if you feel paralyzed, unable to go on.
But, I also know this truth: In addition to your medications, your counseling, your courageous battle against whatever darkness daily bares its teeth and threatens to devour you,
You need God. You need the Lord to be your Light.
Inside you may feel completely ravaged and broken apart. You may know that you sit in unremitting darkness. You may even feel violated or unclean.
But, do you know God's favorite dwelling place?
The souls God has created.
Your soul.
Because God is your greatest Lover.
Your soul has come fresh from the Creator's Hand, a reflection of His glory.
God says to you,
"No more shall men call you 'Forsaken,' or...'Desolate.'
But you shall be called 'My Delight.'" (Isaiah 61)
Perhaps you feel ugly and unwanted inside, or your self-confidence has been worn down by the world's cruelty or indifference.
But - do you know how beautiful and vast your soul is? Do you think about the fact that your soul - you - is immortal?
Your soul is a beautiful castle made of diamond, regardless of your race, your religion, your sexual orientation, your language, your life experiences. If you reach for God, believe that God is reaching out for you. Believe that, in God's eyes, you are always beautiful and desirable.
St. Teresa of Avila says,
"It came to me that the soul is like a castle made exclusively of diamond or some other very clear crystal. In this castle are a multitude of dwellings, just as in heaven there are many mansions.
"....the soul of a righteous person is none other than a garden in which the Beloved takes great delight. What do you think a place might be like that such a king - so powerful and wise, so pure and filled with all good things - would find so delightful? I myself can come up with nothing as magnificent as the beauty...of a soul.
"Our intellects, no matter how sharp, can no more grasp this than they can comprehend God. It is said, though, that he created us in his own image. If this is true (which it is), there is no point wearing ourselves out trying to fathom the great beauty of this castle with our mere minds. Even though the castle is a created thing, there is a vast difference between Creator and creature, so the fact that the soul is made in God's image means that it is impossible for us to understand the soul's sublime dignity and loveliness."
Just imagine: at the center of this supremely beautiful castle dwells God, Light Itself. The deeper you walk into your soul, the more you will be illuminated by God's Light, which continues to burn even if you sit in darkness. Even if your mind and your emotions, even your body, are bowed down with grief, with pain, with anxiety, with depression, God continues to shine in your soul so that the darkness cannot finally overcome you. God's Word is the Lamp you can carry into your own personal hell so that you will not be overcome by the demons who clutch at you.
Take the time to pray, to converse with God, to walk into your own soul. What can be more wonderful than coming to know yourself? God's Light shines through your darkness so that you can see who you really are. God helps you to re-discover your own strength, your own courage, your ability to laugh, to heal. Your ability to believe in yourself, to trust in your own inner beauty and dignity. Your knowledge that you are loved faithfully, eternally, by an immortal God Who has made you shine.
And while a mortal diamond can be broken, can be smashed by a hammer, the castle of your soul is an immortal diamond, protected and held by God's Hands.
Popular American novelist Sue Monk Kidd says, "Here is where our real selfhood is rooted, in the divine spark or seed, in the image of God imprinted on the human soul. The True Self is not our creation, but God's. It is the self we are in our depths. It is our capacity for divinity and transcendence."
The more we discover how we shine like diamonds, the more our soul-light flames out and enlightens and enkindles others.
The more we discover how we mirror the Divine, the more we can reach out of ourselves and embrace others with incandescent love.
Do you want to know the miracle? If we walk into our depths and allow ourselves to be embraced by God, miracles of grace happen.
Part of us may sit in inner darkness of spirit and yet, if we are connected to God, we can still shine out with stunning radiance.
Part of us may feel dry, dark, and empty, yet if we are connected to God, we can still love with every fiber of our being.
Part of us may feel out of control, but if we are connected to God, the Lamp of His Love always guides us on right paths.
God will always, always eventually carry us into His own wonderful Light.
Though we sit in darkness, Hope can still flame in our souls, if we know our True Selves are castles made of diamonds, where the God of All Creation dwells because He loves us. Forever. Amen.