In the final analysis, Jesus is the One Who frees us with the Truth, gives us new insight and visions into ourselves and others, and mends our wounded hearts.
In Biblical times, cities had walls protecting the people inside from invaders; these were called "fortresses." Each of us has many inner wounds, inflicted by people and events in our lives who have acted as invaders, destroying our inner peace and sense of being secure and loved. And so, each of us has built inner fortresses, spiritual and psychological fortresses to protect our traumatized minds and hearts from further harm by making us self-reliant, self-protected. But, if those traumatic wounds have been left unhealed, many times we wall out the One Who is truly our Fortress, our Rock of Refuge, our Deliverer. In "Be Healed,"Therapist Bob Schuchts says,
"As children and teenagers, many of us did not know how to turn to God in the midst of our traumas, especially when those we trusted to protect us were the ones causing us harm. Starting at a young age, we instinctively pulled our hearts away from God, especially when threatened by traumas. We turned our gaze inward toward ourselves rather than looking outward toward the Father. ....When these wounds are left untended, they eventually become infected by sin. Before we know it, we have been brought into spiritual slavery in a particular area of our lives.
"These strongholds create barriers in our minds and hearts, which can prevent us from receiving God's love and grace and from knowing our identity as God's beloved sons and daughters. Whether we are aware or not, we participate in creating these fortresses for self-protection and false comfort."
Our small, human reactions to hurt can become doorways for unhealthy, and later sinful, reactions. Anger begins in us as a healthy emotion, signaling an injustice. But, without the wisdom of the Holy Spirit guiding us, anger can easily morph into a destructive force in our lives, damaging our relationships.
In Ephesians 4: 26-27, St. Paul talks about how we can become bound by the deadly sin of anger. He says, "Be angry, but do not sin; do not let the sun set on your anger, and do not leave room for the devil (other translations say 'Do not give the devil a foothold.") He goes on to describe unhealthy, even sinful, demonstrations of anger: bitterness, fury, anger, shouting, and reviling. We THINK we are protecting ourselves when we give in to such rage. Instead, we are building our self-protective walls higher instead of letting the One Who is Peace and Love in to heal us and our relationships.
Our wounds can occur in two ways. Type A traumas are the most common, and are often overlooked. They occur through the deprivation of love. A deprivation of love can occur through not being cherished and celebrated by our parents, or not being understood or nurtured, or not receiving appropriate discipline or boundaries, or not being given the freedom to develop personal gifts or talents.
Type B traumas are the bad things that happen to us, traumatic events, or the unloving actions that violate our personal boundaries: death, divorce, violence, verbal abuse, abandonment by a parent or spouse, witnessing someone else being abused or injured, etc.
These wounds affect us, in every way. Schuchts tells us,
"Both types of trauma inflict pain and suffering, which then become permanently stored in our brains and in every cell of our bodies. That is the conclusion of Wilder Penfield, a neurosurgeon at McGill University in Montreal, who made his discoveries while doing surgery on the brain. He found that our brain records all of our experiences. When probed, our brain remembers every perception and feeling associated with those experiences. Even when not conscious, these memories influence our thoughts, actions, and behavior for the rest of our life, until they are healed."
Schuchts lists seven deadly wounds, seven "tastes of hell," and the false identity beliefs that result when we build illusory fortresses of protection around ourselves:
WOUNDS. IDENTITY BELIEFS
Abandonment I am alone; no one cares or understands
Fear I am afraid; if I trust, I will be hurt/die
Powerlessness. I can't change it; I am too small/weak
Hopelessness Things will never get better; I want to die
Confusion I don't understand what is happening
Rejection I am not loved, wanted, or desired
Shame (Tainted) I am bad, dirty, shameful, stupid, and worthless.
Because of what happened to me, I am unlovable; I will never recover
"When we are wounded, we often internalize messages about ourselves. This in turn deeply affects our identity, the way we see ourselves. We may believe with our intellects that we are God's beloved children, but our hearts believe a different message. For example, when we are rejected, we may believe we are not wanted, loved, or desired..." (Schuchts)
How often has someone we love made an abusive comment, and we instantly retaliate with bitter, insulting anger because we've taken on that false identity of being stupid and worthless? How often has someone said "I love you" and we inwardly pull away because we're afraid to trust? How often has a group rejected something we've said, and immediately we assume that false identity of feeling shamed and unloved? When these emotions overwhelm us, we are believing in unholy, false lies about our identities, instead of remembering that our self-worth and dignity come from being beloved children of God! These false beliefs create walls between ourselves and the reality of our relationships with others and our relationship with God. We inwardly and outwardly negatively react to others instead of calmly and wisely responding from an inner fortress of security in God our Father.
So often, especially during Lent or Holy Week, we read/pray over that marvelous Scripture about Jesus: "By His wounds we are/were healed." Immediately we think about how Jesus freed us from sin, and about his horrific physical wounds. But - Jesus also bore these seven deadly soul wounds during his Passion, and was tempted by these seven false identity beliefs. These soul wounds maybe gave him even deeper anguish than his physical wounds!
By entering into his Passion and meditating on how Jesus bore these seven deadly soul wounds, so similar to ours, we can bring our soul wounds to him and ask for healing, and the grace to bear and offer up our own suffering.
During his Passion, Jesus offered everything, even his clothing, for he hung naked on the cross. He generously and freely offered his body and blood, his soul and divinity, for us, trusting his Father's Providence even during his darkest hour. He endured suffering, as we endure suffering, to become our Way, our Truth, our Life. Schuchts meditates:
"Jesus never gave even the slightest foothold for the evil one through all that he suffered. He never came into agreement with the enemy's lies, or gave into their power to define his identity. He refrained from every hint of bitterness, formed no ungodly judgments, and avoided self-reliant vows that might keep him from trusting completely in his Father.
"Even in the midst of all the evil that threatened to overtake him, Jesus continued believing in the Father's goodness. He remained deeply rooted and grounded in the Father's love and never lost sight of his own true identity. Through his redemptive suffering, Jesus provides the supreme example for how each of us can face our own suffering with the grace of his redemptive love.
"Facing the most terrifying anguish of body and soul, Jesus didn't give in to fear or the deceptive lies that would lead him to withhold or protect himself. Instead, he trusted his Father's protective love through every moment of his Passion. Though 'spurned and avoided by men' (Isaiah 53:3) he did not internalize the shame that invariably comes with rejection. Instead he 'endured the cross, despising its shame.' (Heb. 12:2) Jesus freely chose to enter into powerlessness and the apparent hopelessness and confusion of the cross, but he never lost sight of God's will and mighty power. He remained anchored in the hope of the resurrection that was to come and fixed on the purposes that the Father laid out for him.
"Perhaps the most painful of all was his experience of abandonment, not only from his friends and followers, but also from his ever-present Father. Who is not pierced to the Corey Jesus' bellowing lament from the cross: 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?' (Mt. 27:46).
"Stop and listen to Jesus utter these words from the depths of his soul. Allow his anguished cry to express your own pain of abandonment. Have you ever touched this depth of pain in your life? I have experienced it a few times in my life....Knowing just the smallest measure of his pain, I am amazed at Jesus' confidence in his Father. Though he felt abandoned by him, he continued to turn towards him. He did not turn his back on the Father or try to take care of himself like I often do. He did not internalize the lie that he was alone or unheard. Through all his suffering, Jesus continued trusting his father, believing he remained with him at every moment, even while the searing pain of abandonment overwhelmed all the faculties of his soul. No one cries out unless he believes someone is listening."
It is very hard to acknowledge the intense feelings that we suffer. It is far easier to deny them. But, if we avoid and deny them we become trapped in them and in all our unhealthy responses to pain. If we open ourselves to experience what we are feeling - and then realize we can unite our suffering selves with Jesus in his suffering - we need no longer feel that we are hopelessly alone. Jesus the healer has brought us to new insights about the lies that our wounds tempt us to tell ourselves, lies that we are alone, or afraid, or powerless, or unloved, or bad, or dirty, or shameful, stupid or worthless.
Jesus has kept his wounds in Heaven, and they shine to remind us that it is by ALL Jesus' wounds, physical and emotional and spiritual, that we are healed. Jesus' wounded hands hold ours; Jesus' pierced heart loves our hearts and strengthens them, and even mends them because his love for us is so total. He tells us the Truth: that our suffering need not destroy who we are, need not destroy our dignity or worth, need not leave us feeling hopeless or bitter or rejected. Jesus can touch us with healing, not only in our prayers but in our relationships.
Jesus not only saves us, Jesus is our Way. If we become his disciples, we bear our sufferings in the Way that Jesus bore his. Jesus says: trust our Father. Believe that you, like I, are God's Beloved Child. Live through this pain trusting God, and you will be transformed, not only in the next life, but in this life. You will be transformed by my healing Love so that you too can receive new Life. You can see a new, life-giving vision, a vision of offering yourselves, body and soul, as living sacrifices. Unite your suffering to mine, and it becomes redemptive, like mine. You too can be a source of life for others! Allow your pain to become transformed in Me into a river of healing grace for others. You too, as a Christ Bearer, will be able to mend hearts in my Name. And that, too, is Good News!