I thought, she said, that my compassion could restore him, heal him. But, she said, my compassion was incomplete, because it did not include me. Brooke herself did not begin to heal until she sought refuge in a shelter for victims of domestic abuse. Her challenge and witness to women rang out clear and strong: "Authentic love does not devalue another human being. You are valuable. Beautiful. Loved."
President Obama introduced Brooke's words with the frightening statistic that more than one in four women have experienced domestic violence. He asks all Americans to join in a campaign to stop the violence. Which is why it is almost incomprehensible that another, fictional woman, has become dear to the hearts of so many women. Ana Steele, heroine of "Fifty Shades of Grey," is captivated by the brilliant, handsome, and charming Christian Grey and agrees to a sexual relationship on his terms - which include her contract to be silent about what goes on in his "red room of pain." She asks him to punish her, and she is abused and degraded by him in numerous ways, including his beating her with a belt and bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism.
Ana submits, no doubt, because she believes that if she only does what Christian asks, she may win a small piece of his damaged heart, which is why so many believe this to be a romance. But is this a romance, really?
In 2013, a social scientist, Amy E. Bonomi, asked multiple professionals to read the "Grey" books and assess them for intimate partner violence, using the Center for Disease and Control's standards for emotional abuse and violence. The study found that nearly every interaction between Ana and Christian was emotionally abusive in nature, including stalking, intimidation, and isolation.
Ana's relationship with Christian is not a consensual relationship, because Ana is too intimidated and abused to give a free will consent, which is a typical condition in cases of sexual violence. According to Bonomi's study, Ana exhibits the classic signs of an abused woman - including constant perceived threat, stressful managing, and altered identity. Like Brooke Axtell, she thinks that if she is only submissive enough, her love can save him.
Susan B. Anthony, strong, militant, fierce in her belief in women's capacities and capabilities, would be astounded by the women who are living over one hundred years after her battles and sacrifices for their freedom. Susan, a teacher and later headmistress, campaigned with her friend Elizabeth Cady Stanton in the 1850's for equal rights for African-Americans and women, and by 1878, she helped introduce the 19th Amendment to Congress, which, when passed, gave women the right to vote.
She fought along the way for women to receive equal pay for equal work with men, having to battle men over and over to even be allowed to speak at public assemblies. She campaigned for improved property rights for married women, and the N.Y.S. legislature finally passed a law that gave married women the right to own separate property, enter into contracts, and be joint guardians of their children. That's right - until Anthony, women had no legal rights over their own children.
Men fought her every inch of the way. She said, famously, "I have encountered riotous mobs and have been hung in effigy, but my motto is 'Men's rights are nothing more. Women's rights are nothing less.'"
Perhaps even more pertinent to the popularity of "Shades of Grey," she said "The fact is, women are in chains, and their servitude is all the more debasing because they do not realize it."
Some women in the media are guessing that "Shades" is so popular because of women's post-feminist discomfort with power, and free will, and their inability to accept their equality. That's right - they're still in chains and they do not recognize it. Susan B. Anthony would turn over in her grave; how she had wished she could see the fruits of her labor one hundred years from her time, and how disappointed she would be.
If women haven't changed as radically as she wished, neither have men. There are still men who believe they have a divine right to control and subdue women. To derive pleasure from their pain. To hunt them as prey. This is not love. Authentic love does not inflict pain and does not derive pleasure from another human being's submission. For either party to derive pleasure from pain and submission is perverse and unholy. Sexual Intercourse, the most intimate knowing of another, was designed by God to be a sacred knowing for His children to appreciate and enjoy in full free will.
There is nothing remotely holy or healthy about women, as much children of God as men, to shrink and play small and sexually submit to men as if they were playthings and prey instead of treasured, equal partners.
The National Center for Sexual Exploitation is urging people to boycott the film and to instead give a donation to a women's shelter for victims of domestic abuse. They say "Hollywood is advertising the Fifty Shades story as an erotic love affair, but it is really about sexual abuse and violence against women. The pain industry has poised men and women to receive the message that sexual violence is enjoyable. Fifty Shades models this porn message and Hollywood cashes the check."
The spiritual message is clearly stated by Brooke Axtell, who urges women to protect each other and empower each other: "Authentic love does not devalue another human being. You are valuable. Beautiful. Loved."