Single parents are often hurting, wounded people. Perhaps the single parent is divorced because the other parent was immature or a compulsive addict or unwilling to take on the responsibility of a family. Or there's domestic violence happening, and one parent has been forced to flee for their and their children's safety. Perhaps the other parent has died. Or the other parent has abandoned the family. Whatever the reasons, the single parent shouldering the major responsibility of child-raising has received a major blow to his/her life. Grieving is hard work. And it's hard work to recuperate if you've endured lying, unfaithfulness, and/or abuse.
Surely God loves and protects single, widowed, and divorced parents in a special way. Jesus understands grieving; he wept at the death of his friend Lazarus. God isn't a harsh judge Who looks at a divorced parent and snarls "Didn't you KNOW that guy/girl was a dead-beat?" God doesn't scowl at the single parent who has conceived a child without benefit of marriage or say "I condemn you forever for sleeping with him/her before marriage." God showed us in Jesus that God doesn't condemn us or judge us harshly. God is merciful! We should never be afraid to talk to God in our hearts about anything and everything in our lives. God listens to us tell our stories. If we've made mistakes or if we've sinned, if we confront and confess these mistakes or these sins to Him, He's right there to say "The past is the past - let's move forward together." For Catholic Christians, who may feel at fault, a kind priest can celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation with them, listen to them, console them, bless them, and tell them that God has forgiven them and they need to forgive themselves.
Sure, we can say that the ideal family includes a mother and a father. But if one parent is missing, that family is still a family. That family is a sign to the community of God's faithful love for His people exemplified by the single parent devoted and loyal to his/her children. God calls the community and the Church community to love single parent families with Jesus' tender, merciful love and to give them the love and the support that they need. Often these parents are having economic difficulties, or they and their children could benefit from counseling. The Church/parish community, following in Jesus the Divine Physician's footsteps, is a field hospital, ready to welcome and offer healing in whatever way it is needed.
A single mother or father, regardless of whether his/her child was born out of wedlock, has the right to have that child baptized to become a part of the Christian community, as long as the parent makes a firm commitment to stay part of the Church community and to give that child a Christian education. So often young, single, unmarried parents, especially single mothers, are afraid to rejoin their Church communities after they've had children. They are afraid that they will be judged and rejected. They often need a personal, loving invitation to come back to Church; they need to know that their infants are welcomed and valued members of their Church family. The parents of single parents are often hurting as well, wanting their children to return to Church and aching for people in the Church community to talk to their children and let them know that they're still loved.
How beautiful it is when we encourage single parents to have their children baptized! Pope Francis comments
"The home must continue to be the place where we learn to appreciate the meaning and beauty of the faith, to pray and to serve our neighbor. This begins with Baptism, in which, as St. Augustine said, mothers who bring their children 'cooperate in the sacred birthing.' Thus begins the journey of growth in that new life. Faith is God's gift, received in Baptism, and not our own work, yet parents are the means that God uses for it to grow and develop."
Here I must make mention of and praise the countless grandparents who encourage their children to bring their grandchildren to the Baptismal font! How many grandmothers and grandfathers cooperate in this sacred birthing! How God must love with deep gratitude these grandparents, who often are raising or co-raising their grandchildren.
We are all broken people. We have all grieved, all made mistakes in our youth, all misjudged people and been taken in by them. We cannot second-guess others' decisions or feel superior to those whose life journey is different from our own. What we can do is be sensitive to those around us, watch their body language to make sure we haven't offended them, take a personal interest in their struggles. What we can do for single parents is affirm their courage, remind them of God's Presence in their lives, and help them open up to the graces God is waiting to shower over them. We can be the ones whose acceptance and attentiveness are signs to single parents that God has not abandoned them.
As Pope Francis says,
"The way of the Church is not to condemn anyone for ever; it is to pour out the balm of God's mercy on all those who ask for it with a sincere heart....."
No one should ever be afraid or ashamed of reaching out to belong to a Church community. Every Church community needs to make sure that all people feel welcomed, loved, and accepted, especially those who mirror the reality of family in a different way yet still reflect the loving faithfulness of God.