As Sr. Theresa Aletheia Noble describes the scene,
"All of the synoptic (Matthew, Mark, and Luke) Gospels mention a small, easily overlooked detail in the Passion narratives. Peter follows Jesus to the high priest's courtyard 'at a distance' (see Luke 22:54, Mt. 26:58). Such a short phrase - but not enough to communicate the flood of fear and sorrow that suddenly surged in Peter's heart on that fateful night. Only hours before, Peter had boldly promised Jesus, 'Lord, I am prepared to go to prison and to die with you' (Luke 22:33). But, now, when faced with the real possibility of death rather than mere hypotheticals, Peter cowers in fear. In place of the honors and victory he had anticipated, Peter now realizes that his association with Jesus truly will put him in danger of death.
"Fearful for his life, Peter puts distance between himself and the Lord. The Rock upon which Jesus intended to build his Church (see Mt 16:18) is afraid to walk closely with Jesus. The human tendency to pusillanimous, weak, and self-centered behavior is exemplified in Peter and the other disciples on the night Jesus is arrested. The Apostles, some of Jesus' closest friends, fall asleep as Jesus faces his darkest hour (see Mt 26:40). Then Jesus' followers run away when he is arrested (see Mk 14:15). Peter is a coward like the rest, but at least he follows Jesus at a distance. Jesus must have seen and appreciated this small sign of Peter's love, even if it was but a brief flicker." (from "Memento Mori").
Then, in the midst of his terrible grief and fear, Peter is confronted with what, until then, is the greatest test of his life. Three times, three different people in the courtyard say to him - and everyone - that Peter knew Jesus and was with him and the others. And Peter denies knowing Jesus, denies being one of his followers! At the very moment that he says, "My friend, I do not know what you are talking about!" a cock crows. Jesus turns around and looks at Peter, "and Peter remembered the word that the Lord had spoken to him, 'Before the cock crows today, you will betray me three times.'"
What does Peter do then? He goes out and weeps bitterly.
What's the context of Jesus' words to Peter about the cock crowing? Remember the beautiful scene the night before at the Last Supper, when Jesus told Peter and the others, "Simon, Simon! (this was before Jesus re-named Simon 'Peter') Remember that Satan has asked for you to sift you all like wheat. But I have prayed for you that your faith may never fail. You in turn must strengthen your brothers."
At that point Peter, undoubtedly on a spiritual high because he has been asked to strengthen the others, says "Lord, at your side I am prepared to face imprisonment and death itself." And Jesus utters that momentous prophecy: "I tell you, Peter, the cock will not crow today until you have three times denied that you know me."
Can you imagine Peter's terrible grief and shame that he has not only stayed close to Jesus, but that he has actually denied him! This, after Jesus has specifically asked him to strengthen the others! And Peter had promised that he would stay at Jesus' side, even face imprisonment and death beside him! How could this happen to Peter when Jesus said that he had prayed that his followers - especially Peter's - faith may never fail?
Well, Peter's faith failed, and it didn't. It failed because Peter allowed fear cowardice, and self-interest to overcome his desire to stay close to Jesus and to face whatever happened in his life with courage. Yet his faith did NOT fail because instead of running away, he had followed Jesus at a distance, staying close enough to Jesus that he could turn and look deeply into Peter's eyes. Meeting the gaze of Jesus, Peter suddenly, clearly realized the depths to which he had fallen, and he repented. He acknowledged to Jesus and to himself that he had failed, failed miserably. He wept bitterly!
Peter also kept his faith because, even though he admitted to Jesus and to himself that he was a failure, he did not "freeze in the moment" and despair. He
was honest with himself, but he broke out of the paralysis of self-recriminations and met the gaze of Jesus. Imagine the depths of piercing love he encountered in Jesus' eyes! In Jesus' eyes he saw mirrored his terrible failure that he needed to confront, and also Jesus' absolute forgiveness if Peter chose to accept it. Even this failure of Peter's, this absolute denial that he knew Jesus, did not destroy his relationship with his Lord. Jesus' burning gaze of love told Peter unequivocally that their relationship could be rebuilt and endure.
Did Peter later tell his friends what he had done? I suspect that, broken and upset with himself, he did. Why? Because, Jesus, after his Resurrection, chose a very public way to allow Peter to reaffirm his love for the Lord and to be drawn back into the community as leader, so that the others could see that Jesus forgave Peter and had faith in him. As Bishop Robert Barron explains,
"After the Resurrection, Peter and the other disciples returned to Galilee to work as fishermen again, and there spotted Jesus on the far shore. As Jesus draws Peter back into his circle of intimacy, we witness a beautiful act of spiritual direction. Three times the Lord asks Peter whether he loves him, and three times Peter affirms it: "Lord, you know that I love you."
"St. Augustine was the first to comment that the threefold statement of love was meant to counteract the threefold denial. Peter emerges as the archetype of the forgiven and commissioned Church, for after each of his reaffirmations, Peter hears the command to tend the sheep. Once we are brought back into friendship with Jesus, we are called to love those whom he loves."
All of us are that same forgiven and commissioned Church. Hasn't each of us, momentarily secure in our self-esteem as "good" Christians, said to Jesus "I'll always follow you, always do what you want me to do!" - and then been knocked off that spiritual high into the gutter when fear, cowardice, and self-interest attack us?! Peter is the Christian's Everyman because, when Jesus commissions him to strengthen the others, he rashly promises to go to the heights of heroic courage, - and then he falls, like a meteor shooting out of the sky to land on earth. Jesus commissions all of us to strengthen each other, care for each other, we promise "Yes, Lord," and then we fail. Over and over.
Yes, Peter is our role model. Undoubtedly he remembers that Jesus promised to pray for him and the other followers that they would not fail, as Jesus, our great High Priest, is always interceding for us with our Father. Relying on the strength of Jesus' constant prayer upholding him, Peter acknowledges to himself that he has abjectly failed, he has lied and sinned, denying the Lord. But - he refuses to fall into despair, which would be the absolute failure of a Christ-follower. Instead, he allows his faith in Jesus to carry him into the depths of humility. He gazes into the loving eyes of Jesus, admits his sin, and accepts the Lord's forgiveness. And so, Jesus, after his Resurrection, allows Peter to publicly declare his love, and restores Peter to his role of leader.
Aren't we just like Peter? So often, instead of walking at Jesus' side, we follow him at a distance, afraid to get too close, yet staying within sight of him. Then, he calls to us to step out of our comfort zone, go "way beyond the call of duty" to reach out to comfort someone, be by their side during tragedy, minister to one of his "least ones," risk others' misunderstanding and laughter, maybe even the "death" of our reputation, because we are Christ-like - and we panic. We turn away, maybe even momentarily run away from the person, the situation, and, in effect, deny knowing Jesus because Jesus lives within the one whom we have rejected.
Do we eventually acknowledge our guilt and failure to ourselves? Do we accept that that bright, shiny Christian identity that we parade around in front of others is a facade? Are we humble enough to admit to ourselves that we are sinners and failures like everyone else? Do we - finally - become courageous enough to meet the gaze of Jesus? The Divine Gaze that acknowledges our sin, our failure, our denial for what it is, and yet responds with such overwhelming love that we know beyond a doubt that we are forgiven and even restored?
Only the super-spiritual who don't acknowledge that they sin like everyone else are the hypocrites. They don't have enough humility to meet the gaze of Jesus, the gaze which simultaneously confronts, judges, loves, forgives, and mercifully heals, because they stay cocooned in their self-made identity of perfect Christian, perfect Christ-follower.
Be like Peter. Don't ever fall into despair. Recognize that sometimes you are at Jesus' side, but sometimes, when the going gets rough, you only follow him at a distance. Sometimes you even run to a side street to avoid what he's asking of you. Be courageous enough to meet Jesus' loving, piercing gaze. Admit to him that you're wobbly and weak-kneed, that you don't always have it altogether. Cry bitterly, if you need to. Let your eyes leave his face to gaze at his pierced wrists and feet, the thrust wound in his side that he endured because his love is the ultimate sacrifice of self - for you. Don't be too proud to accept his grace.
Look into his Holy Eyes and hear his Sacred Voice:
"Do you love Me? Yes? Then I forgive you. Go back to the unique ministry I commissioned you to do. Go back to feeding My lambs with My Word and tenderly watching over My straying sheep."