Harrison is very competitive and hard on himself, experienced in the perseverance necessary to reach a goal. He's resourceful, recognizing that he couldn't prepare in advance for what he'd face, especially the need to jump off the road to escape drivers concentrating on their cell phones. But amazingly this physical trip, with long periods alone, in silence, became a pilgrimage of sorts, and gave him a more lasting legacy than just winning. On his trip, he also traveled inside himself to meet himself.
One of the fears he confronted in himself, he told Geist, was fear of his own imperfections. He learned to accept himself for who he is. He also overcame his fear of contacting a daughter. His blog features a photo of Harrison and his daughter, and the words "So, this young lady is my daughter. I’m completely blown away with her. She is just a beautiful person with a warm and adventurous heart. Already I could go on and on about her. I’m so grateful that I have finally had the opportunity to start to know her. She was very accepting and it was a pleasing and comfortable encounter. We have a beginning. That’s what I had hoped for."
I have no idea if Cargo is a religious man. But I believe that God was waiting to meet him on his long journey, whether Cargo recognized God or not. Cargo's journey took him out of his physical home, away from his usual circle of family and friends, and into new landscapes for his body and mind. In the silence of his pilgrimage, "away from it all," he could not escape meeting himself. The prophet Moses' journey accomplished the same: it gave him time to meet himself. Secretly a Jew, raised in the Egyptian court, he murdered an Egyptian guard who was abusing Jews, and ended up fleeing his Egyptian family and circle of friends and Egypt itself, by running away across the Red Sea to Midian. Here Moses ended up in a new landscape: a silent deserted hillside, poor, and shepherding sheep, where interiorly he met himself: a Jew, not an Egyptian. Harrison encountered a Burning Bush in his heart and mind, that cast out his fears of imperfection and fear of taking on the responsibility of meeting his daughter. Moses likewise encountered a Burning Bush that cast out his fears of leadership and led him back to Egypt on a new journey of responsibility to save his people from slavery.
Today it seems we have few opportunities for pilgrimages or for silence and prayer. We work long, hard hours and come home to spend time with spouses and children, or go to take care of other family members. If we have a few minutes, we escape our stress by using IPods and IPads, tvs and games. Often, when we reach our beds, we're too tired to even think, let alone pray.
Yet periods of silence, even a minute before we arise from bed, or during our few minutes in the shower, or before we settle into sleep, can be used for prayer, for a silent reaching out to God and allowing God to be our Burning Bush of purifying Love. It can be frightening to reach out to a God Who seems often silent. But Silence in reality is full of God's listening to us and God's work for us and in us. Silence is indeed the place where God lovingly allows us to meet, not only God, but ourselves. Sr. Joan Chittister says,
"“Silence is a frightening thing. Silence leaves us at the mercy of the noise within us. We hear the fears that need to be faced. We hear, then, the angers that need to be cooled. We hear the emptiness that needs to be filled. We hear the cries for humility and reconciliation and centeredness. We hear ambition and arrogance and attitudes of uncaring awash in the shallows of the soul. Silence demands answers. Silence invites us to depth. Silence heals what hoarding and running will not touch.”
― Joan D. Chittister, Wisdom Distilled from the Daily: Living the Rule of St. Benedict Today
We are afraid of silence because we are afraid of meeting ourselves. Yet Cargo tells us that in the silence, he not only discovered who he was, he learned to accept himself, overcome his fears, reach out to his daughter. He discovered that Silence not only confronts us, it heals us. Who we are is such a paradox: we are sinners, but also we are full of light because in our souls we are united with our Divine God, Who calls us "son" and "daughter."
We can't hide from God. And we shouldn't want to, or need to! God is the Lightbulb waiting to be flicked on in the darkness of our stress and self-loathing, our evasions from the Truth, our fear of having to stand up and be truly ourselves, our fear of speaking up for God and the vulnerable. God is the Light in the darkness Who tells us that He loves us unconditionally, with a faithful, everlasting Love, and His Love for us empowers us to leave the darkness of our fears and weaknesses and become all that we can be.
It took Holly "Cargo" Harrison over a year to come to terms with himself as he traveled alone. It took Moses a good length of time to travel from Egypt to Midian, and then to return to Egypt again. It can also take us years to travel deep within ourselves and discover and accept who we are and who God calls us to be. Often enough we make those leaps forward in self-knowledge and God-knowledge when we take time to be alone with God, in our bedroom, our shower, our study, washing dishes in our kitchen, sitting on the back porch watching the sunset. If we turn our minds to God in every little bit of silence that we can find, God will overwhelmingly reward us by letting us find ourselves and find Him. Our inward journey will last far more than 17,000 miles. God will lead us on pilgrimage into the depths of our souls and into the depths of His burning, purifying Love.