If we find our value in externals - people, events, and things, like jobs, - then our feelings of self-worth can never be stable or securely grounded. We are living out of others' perceptions of us instead of the reality of who we are. We are dependent on forces outside of ourselves to tell us who we "should" be. How can we truly be ourselves then? How can we keep ourselves from falling apart, falling into depression and self-hate, when others withdraw their love, support, or affirmation of our decisions?
When we seek our value outside ourselves, we can become destructive. We can become territorial about the people who are "ours" or the job that is "ours." We can think we are being "helpful" when we are really protecting our own self-interests to consolidate our position in other people's lives. The external opinions and ego-stroking of others has become our distorted self-portrait.
Here are the real reasons you should value yourself:
- Value yourself simply because you exist. Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel knew how tender and fragile as a new green shoot our very life is. He lost much of his family during the Holocaust. Knowing to his depths the mystery and wonder of simple existence, he said "Just to be is a blessing. Just to live is holy."
- Value yourself because you are the only one of you in existence. And you exist for a reason. Rabbi Heschel, knowing that he was a survivor of genocide and other family members were not, observed "I want to know how to answer the one question that seems to encompass everything I face: What am I here for?" He didn't ask himself "What do my family and friends think I exist for?" Or "What does my Boss think I exist for?"
- Value yourself because God has created you and a spark of the Divine lives within you. You are not you alone. You are united with God. And God knows what you're here for.
Archbishop Oscar Romero put his life on the line every time he spoke on the radio in El Salvador. He knew that the poor, the common peasants, listened. But also the corrupt politicians, the rich businessmen, the military and their death squads listened to him with cold, murderous hatred because he reminded the peasants of their rights, urged them to demonstrate in spite of the death squads that were mowing them down. One radio speech sealed the Archbishop's death warrant:
"No soldier (member of a Death Squad) is obliged to obey an order counter to the law of God....Cease the repression!"
A day later he was dead, murdered as he celebrated Mass.
Romero found his value and his purpose in his unity with God: "Beautiful is the moment in which we understand that we are no more than an instrument of God..."
When we know our value lies in being a special loved child of God, a simple instrument of God, then nothing is as important to us as the fact that we're always secure in God's faithful love. Nothing is as important as asking God each day what He wants us to do with the unique, wonderful talents He's given us.
When our value, our self-image, our identity comes from within, we can love everyone without strings. We can be compassionate instead of seeking adulation. We can be simple instruments. We can truly be free to be ourselves. And we truly experience the steady inner joy and peace of God because His opinion of us is the only one that matters.