Fr. Ronald Rolheiser tells the story that when he was a young priest, he preached a homily at a Baptism in which he said that the words God spoke over Jesus at his Baptism - "You are my son, the beloved, my favor rests on you" - are exactly the same words that God spoke over each of us at our own Baptism: "You are my blessed child, my beloved, and I delight in you!" And that God speaks those same words over us at every moment of our lives.
But, while he was taking off his vestments in the sacristy after the Baptism, an angry and agitated young man approached Fr. Ron. He was out of prison on bail, awaiting sentencing, and was to appear in court soon for sentencing. He said "I came here today because I thought church might give me some strength as I go into prison. But I hated it, especially I hated your sermon because it isn't true! You said that God takes delight in us, that He is pleased with us. Well, it is not true! Nobody has ever taken delight in me, least of all my own father."
Fr. Ron comments "It is no surprise that this young man was angry. He was, after all, on his way to prison. He had never been blessed by his own father, and that leaves a deep wound inside someone. Indeed, a good number of anthropologists, psychologists, and spiritual writers today suggest that hunger for the father's blessing is one of the deepest hungers in the whole world, especially among men. Without a blessing from above, and that vitally includes a blessing from our own fathers, we will carry both a deep wound and a deep hunger. There will, in effect, be a constriction around our hearts, a steel band that suffocates in countless ways and helps rob our lives of both color and delight. And that constriction...can only be lifted through being blessed."
But - what is a blessing, anyway? The English verb "to bless" takes its meaning from the Latin "benedicere," literally meaning "to speak well of." Thus, to bless someone is to speak well of someone, for example to go up to someone and say "You are a wonderful person." Both the Old and the New Testaments begin with God giving a powerful blessing. In the story of Creation, we see how at the end of each day, God gazed upon what He had done, and saw that it was good! In fact, on the sixth day, after creating man and woman, God gazed upon all that He had done, and saw that it was VERY good. This was creation's original blessing, and is the way God still looks upon all He has created, saying "It is indeed very good."
In the New Testament, as Jesus is baptized and his head breaks through the waters of the Jordan. in a new spiritual birth, he hears his Heavenly Father say to him"This is my blessed child, in him I take delight." Jesus is truly being reborn through his heavenly Father's blessing! For the rest of his life, Jesus rests secure in the knowledge of his Father's delight in him, His love for him. And Jesus' inner vision shows him a world in which everyone and everything is upheld and blessed by the Father.
Jesus tells his followers that, as children of the same Father, we can look at our lives and see that we too are always blessed by our Father in heaven, no matter how bad our circumstances are. This is what Jesus is telling us in the Beatitudes:
"Blessed are you when you are poor, when you mourn, when you are hungry and thirsty, when people hate you, when others abuse you, and when you are persecuted. In all those situations, you are still God's beloved, blessed, someone in whom God takes delight." (Rolheiser)
Jesus, because he knew his Father's blessing, was always operating out of a blessed consciousness, a positive view of the world and its people. He could always see the goodness in another's heart, even if it appeared hidden. He trusted that God had the plans of His own heart, to bring ultimate good to His children. "Sadly...many of us, because we have not been blessed or do not know our blessing, operate out of a cursed consciousness, one that can only look at the world through the lens of irritation, bitterness, or judgment. When we do this, we do it because we have been more cursed than blessed in our lives." (Rolheiser)
What is a curse, then? "Cursing is what we do when we look at someone whom we do not like and think or say: 'I wish you weren't here! I hate your presence! I wish you'd go away!' Cursing is what we do when we look at someone and think or say: 'What an idiot.' Cursing is what we do whenever we look at another person judgmentally and think or say: 'Who do you think you are! You think you've got talent! You don't - you're full of yourself!'" (Rolheiser)
Cursing is looking at a child in a high chair, bursting with exuberant life, kicking her feet, shouting, throwing food, and we become so irritated with her enthusiasm, we shout " Shut up! Stop it!"
In all of these cases, we've acted in exactly the opposite manner of God. We've tried to suppress life and enthusiasm, fill another with shame. Why? Because, when we were young, or perhaps at different points in our lives, people have put us down, suppressed our enthusiasm, denied our gifts, filled us with unnecessary and cruel shame. We were subtly cursed as people told us, with their words and gestures: "Shut up! Who do you think you are! Go away! You aren't wanted here. You're not that important. You're stupid! You are boring! You irritate me!" Someone perceived our energy, gifts, and enthusiasm as a threat, and effectively shut us down, leaving us shamed and depressed.
Once we're shamed and depressed, the vicious cycle continues: we feel threatened by anyone else's exuberance, gifts, energy, and joy.
How can we travel away from feeling cursed, shamed, and depressed, how can we lift that sense of being cursed? How can we feel blessed, and open ourselves to experiencing joy and delight? By blessing others.
"How might we bless that delight we see in these children? Imagine again a child in the high chair, shouting in joy and throwing food around the room: if her parents, depressed adults, tired and struggling with many heartaches in their own lives, could look at each other, and inside of their tiredness and depression, say: 'Isn't it marvelous that two depressed people like us could even create someone like this!' They then would be blessing the energy in the room. And that is exactly the challenge: to habitually give off that kind of blessing. We can't bless ourselves, but we can bless others.
"We cannot force others to bless us, but we can bless others, and in that is our freedom. If we bless others, it will not be long afterward that our hearts will feel an exuberance that will, all on its own, say "God, it feels good to be alive! When we act like God, we get to feel like God. And God is never depressed." (Rolheiser)
How well and often do we bless others? How clearly do we see and admire others? How often do we speak well of them? How often do we give away some of our lives so that others might live?
We bless others when we really SEE them, when our eyes, our smiles, our words, our attitudes, reflect our perception of their worth. Do we truly SEE our family members - especially when they or we are overworked and overtired? Do we truly SEE our employees or our fellow workers? Do we SEE those kids whom we coach? Do we SEE that over-worked waitress who brings us our order, or that clerk in the bank dealing wth long lines? Or do they bear the brunt of our frustration with the "system"? Can we, even in our tiredness, appreciate their uniqueness, their worth? And somehow let them know that we SEE them?
We bless others when older men bless younger men, when older women bless younger women, because somehow our blessings are strongest when we bless someone of our own sex and give them permission to step up in the world, and eventually take our places - sometimes even if they do not seem to either want or need our blessing. We bless them when we bask in their energy, beam with pride in them, our faces shining with the Light of God which says "It is good! It is very, very good! In you I take delight!"
It can be very difficult to bless those, especially the young, who do not seem to want to be blessed. Who even seem to reject us!
"But this is the real task! Deeper maturity consists precisely in being big-hearted enough to give your blessing, without the young person first admitting you or even realizing that he or she needs your blessing. As scripture puts it, love demonstrates itself in precisely this act, in giving itself over even when it is not appreciated....
"On the surface, clearly, young persons often do not want the blessing of their parents, elders, teachers, and clergy. But that is on the surface; they have deeper wants and needs. Someone once said that a true missionary is someone who goes where he or she is not wanted but is needed, and leaves when he or she is wanted but not needed. That is true too for parenting, teaching, coaching, and ministry. ....Young people may not overtly want the blessing of their elders, but they desperately need it....their very aloofness is partly a symptom of the lack of blessing in their lives and a plea for that blessing." (Rolheiser)
Nothing can prepare us and sustain us in blessing others as much as our relationship with our Heavenly Father. Do we take time when we pray to be inwardly quiet and rest in God's love and never-ending blessing of us and our lives? Do we trust that God loves us, and tell Him of our trust - even if human beings have shamed us and proven untrustworthy? Do we trust in His blessing so that God can lift the curse on us of feeling unwanted, unneeded, unloved - unblessed? God's ever-flowing blessing will give us the energy to bless others, even sacrifice our lives through our caring.
The love we pour out into the universe is the love which will return to bless us. When we act to lift that terrible depression of feeling unblessed from others' hearts, we lift the same huge depression from our own hearts, and open ourselves to joy and delight - "Because when we act like God, we get to feel like God." (Rolheiser)