Mom had her faults: she could be super-stern and hyper-critical. But she also had a strong sense of humor. My sisters Donna, Linda, and I all laugh, remembering her story of the Doctor who went to test her knee joint and jumped when he discovered the leg under his hand was pure wood. She'd had the leg amputated when she was two and was run over by a street car.
Our Mothers - whether they're our birth mothers, adoptive mothers, or extended-family Moms, all have so much to teach us. They teach us with their words, their actions, their example. They teach us to either follow in their footsteps or to live our lives in the exact opposite way of what we've been shown. But they form us, for good or ill. And - our birth mothers, whether known or unknown, had the courage to give birth to us, sometimes in very difficult circumstances. Because of that fact alone - that they carried us in their wombs for nine months and went through the painful process of labor and delivery - we can call every Mother that we have "blessed."
Nothing changes us as profoundly as becoming a mother does. "Whether your pregnancy was meticulously planned, medically coaxed, or happened by surprise, one thing is certain—your life will never be the same,” says Catherine Jones. And Oprah says, “I believe the choice to become a mother is the choice to become one of the greatest spiritual teachers there is.” When we wonder and worry about whether we have the right qualities to be good mothers, we need to trust that the One Who chose us to be mothers is God. God knew that, either because of or in spite of our mothers - or realistically, both - we have the exact qualities that our children need in a mother.
God has spiritually placed each of your children in your arms, for you to love, cherish, protect, and guide till death do you part. And, if you depart this earth first, to pray for them and watch over them from Heaven. Daily, we need to pray to God, asking God to enlighten us, strengthen us, inspire us in how to love our children in the best way possible by becoming all that we can be.
This responsibility of parenting is so difficult, because our children face issues and challenges that we haven't faced, and sometimes we are confused and scared about whether we're parenting them in the best way possible. These are the times that we should re-double our prayers for heavenly Guidance, and then trust that we will receive it. Then, when our children watch us and later remember us, they will absorb how to become mature, loving people themselves.They may remember that we made mistakes - we all do - but, most importantly, they'll know that we love them. We have given them a Tradition of parenting, a good one, that they can hold fast to, remember, follow, and proclaim to their children.
We can say the same things about our mother Churches. Whatever Christian church we belong to, this is the "mother" who has taught us about God, taught us how to pray, and given us a Church family. She has raised us as brothers and sisters in Christ in this Christian family, teaching us how to mature by following the Ten Commandments and the Beatitudes. From the earliest days of the church, "the early Christians were very concerned that the new band of Jesus' disciples would stay together and hold fast to the teachings that they received from the apostles....The meaning of the Christian church (is) the gathering of the disciples into a new whole, a new creation, centered in Jesus Christ." (Sr. Ilia Delio, in "Making All Things New.")
All Christian churches have and proclaim the same Tradition - the Bible and the Creed - holy words about God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, words that teach us how to pray, have faith, have hope, and live in love. Thousands of generations of Christians have held fast to the Tradition of the Bible and the Creed - even to the point of death - have remembered these words, followed what they teach, and proclaimed them to the next generation.
But, like any Mother, our churches have made mistakes. For, we believe that the Christian Church is both divine and human, divine in the Message that she proclaims; and human in that fallible human beings have done the proclaiming, and made mistakes, and sinned along the way. Our human Mother the Church has loved us, and used us, taught us how to pray but also been a political animal, shown us how to live, and also been devoured by greed. Every pastor has had wonderful worth, and also feet of clay.
Ever generation of Christians has had Church family members who endured prejudice and misunderstanding from a Mother Church who often obeyed the letter of the law, and followed the culture of the times instead of reflecting deeply on the message and example of Jesus, Who loved and respected everyone. Yet every generation has also had great saints and martyrs who have compassionately and unerringly and courageously pointed the way for the Church leaders and the Church members to find and practice what Jesus desires and requires of each of us.
As it is with our human mothers, we need to look for the great good of the ages-old Tradition our Mother Church gives us, and resolve not to follow the less-than-perfect ways she shows us. We need to accept the less-than-perfect family of believers she gives us, and recognize their worth as a family which is more powerful in prayer together than any one of us is separately.
Our third mother is the mother of Jesus, whom our Christian Tradition also gives us to not only honor, but follow. This is the mother who, like us, carried a child for nine months and gave birth to him, loved him, cherished him, didn't always understand him, but stayed loyal to him. This mother endured the greatest of sorrows, because she watched this son be verbally attacked by the leaders of their people, and finally be tortured and killed. She, as many mothers have, watched her child die and and had to bury him.
Sometimes, in thinking of the resurrection of Christ, we forget that Mary didn't know the "End of the Story" beforehand. Every action of Jesus was new to her; everything that happened to him was something she did not expect. Yet, we learn, she pondered everything in her heart, as we mothers should. If we think about and pray over our children, who they are, what they are doing, what WE are doing, we too, like Jesus and like Mary, will grow in wisdom, age, and grace.
I know that many of my friends whose mothers have died, pray to their mothers in heaven, asking them to pray for them. We certainly can do the same thing with Mary - pray to her, asking her to pray for us. Catholics call her the Blessed Mother because the angel Gabriel called her "Blessed among women" - the woman whom God chose to be the mother of His Son. If God chose her for such a great responsibility, isn't Mary also more than capable of mothering us? St. Teresa of Avila says of the Blessed Mother, "Praise her, my friends! You truly belong to the mother. Emulate her. Reflect on how great Our Lady really is. Acknowledge how blessed we are to have her as our advocate." (from "The Interior Castle.)
We mothers are so very blessed. We are blessed by the mothers who have given birth to us and the mothers who have raised us, and the long line of generations of women, the Tradition of Parenting, which precedes us. We are blessed by our Mother the Church, which has given us the gifts of the great spiritual Tradition: the Bible and the Creed; has taught us how to pray; has given us a spiritual family of brothers and sisters in Christ which prays with us and for us. We are blessed by our Mother Mary, the mother of Jesus, and our Blessed Mother, who gives us such a wonderful example of mothering and who constantly prays for us to become the best mothers whom we can be.
The biggest gift that motherhood gives us is the opportunity to grow into unselfishness. “The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children,” says Jessica Lange. The second gift that motherhood gives us is the opportunity to grow into self-confidence that who we are is the most formative being in our child's life - and a determination to become one who can give our child both roots and wings. God, our mothers, our Mother Church, and our Blessed Mother can help us become all that we can be, for ourselves and for our precious children.