But, you know what? God doesn't guilt-trip us. We guilt-trip ourselves. Jesus said "Be as compassionate as Your Father in Heaven is compassionate" - and that also means being compassionate with ourselves. Here are some truths to remember about our relationship with God:
1) God knows us inside and out. God knows how physically strong we are and how we react emotionally to stress. God never expects more of us than we personally are capable of doing or giving.
2) We can never compare our own actions to what other people are doing, because God doesn't. I know that when my Mom was in a nursing home, I often compared myself to others who went there more often to visit their relatives than I did. But I soon figured out that I was only hurting myself by doing that. I knew my life - I had to stay true to myself, my levels of emotional stress, my responsibilities, and what I was capable of. I had to believe in my own decision-making.
3) We need to talk to God every day and ask Him to fill us with courage, strength, wisdom, and love, and to guide us to do the best thing in all circumstances. We need to trust that, if we ask for His guidance, He will give it to us. There is nothing like crises and traumas to deepen our relationship with God, because these stressors push us to go to Him for what we need.
4) We also need to trust that, even if we don't make the best, most perfect decisions about how to care for our family when we're stressed-out, God knows that we're doing the best that we can and God will bring good out of every situation - because God knows that we love Him and love our family. God has all this love in our hearts to work with - and He will. That's why St. Paul says "we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them."
5) Remember the story of the loaves and the fishes. Whenever I have started grieving in the middle of a traumatic situation because I felt that I was too emotionally overwhelmed and paralyzed to do all that I could or should do, I remembered the little boy who gave Jesus his few loaves and fishes. Jesus took that little bit of food that was offered and multiplied it beyond anyone's expectations or understandings so that it fed hundreds of people. God will always take the "food" of our words and actions that we offer Him in love, and multiply their good, nourishing effects more and farther than we can even dream of!
6) Have the humility to understand even when you're not understood, and to apologize when necessary. Traumatic events traumatize everyone connected with them, and arouse strong emotions. Those emotions can last for years. If people misunderstand our actions during those times, and bring them up to us even much later, it's good to quietly explain what we did and why during the trauma, and then understand that sometimes they can't understand. We have to leave them in God's hands. Or - if some time after the trauma, someone says they were hurt by us, even if we didn't mean to hurt them, we can explain that we didn't realize what was happening, and apologize. Sincerely. And hope and pray that God will heal the relationship.
7) Pray this wonderful prayer by Thomas Merton:
“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”
Amen!!!!!!