We're hurt, angry, feel emotionally violated. Our self-esteem takes a nose-dive. All we can think of is that person or persons. We feel that they must be absolutely evil to do this to us. We can't sleep. can't rest, can't work, sometimes cry a lot, can't keep our thoughts from obsessing about the situation. Our first instinct is to go on the attack, have revenge: "I don't get mad, I get even."
But if we turn to God in prayer, ask God for help, for insights, God's Words in Scripture teach us a lot about how to treat our enemies.
1) TRUST IN GOD TO HELP YOU
Psalm 4: "Answer when I call, my saving God. In my troubles, You cleared a way. Show me favor, hear my prayer. How long will you people mock my honor, love what is worthless, chase after lies? Know that the Lord works wonders for the faithful; the Lord hears when I call out."
Trust that God loves you. God will give you wisdom, teach you how to become calm inside, teach you what to say, how to act, how best to defend yourself and act in this situation.
2) TRUST IN GOD TO DO BATTLE FOR YOU
Romans 12:19, "Beloved, do not look for revenge...'Vengeance is mine, I will repay,' says the Lord." Trust that God is always at work in our lives, in every situation. Do not allow yourself to think of ways to get even. A just God will bring good out of this evil.
3) IF NECESSARY, WITHDRAW
There are some people in our lives who are so hurtful, so abusive, that we need to tell them calmly but strongly that until they can respect us, we cannot be in their presence. This is true self-defense and self-protection. We can let go of anger inside eventually, pray for that person, but we do not need to be around him/her. Perhaps a day will come when there is enough growth and change in that person - or in our inner strength - that we can attempt a relationship again. But not until both of us are ready.
4) CONSIDER THAT PERSON'S PLACE IN THE FAMILY AND/OR THE COMMUNITY
So often we think of our enemy primarily in his/her relationship with us. We feel as if this person is completely evil. But we need to emotionally step back and look clearly at this person's interactions with others. Every person in a family or a community has a place, a gift to share, a way to take care of others. We need to find the strength and vision to acknowledge that, even if this person is hateful to us, this person is not totally evil. This person does good. It does not help the community if we engage in a destructive war of words and actions that splinter the community. It's not good for the family if we attempt to drive this person out or push others to "take sides": "Do not repay anyone evil for evil; be concerned for what is noble in the sight of all. If possible, on your part, live at peace with all." (Romans 12:17.)
5) LOOK FOR THE GRAIN OF TRUTH
When people criticize us, our first response is always self-defense: we tell ourselves that he/she is hateful, all wrong, and that what he/she says isn't true AT ALL about us or the situation! This happens especially when there is any maliciousness or belittling in the way the person speaks to us. But we need to mentally step back from a situation and judge the person's words on their own merit, forgetting who said it and how it was said. because our first priority must always be truth, not judgement. To see clearly means to be able to see ourselves clearly first, including how we may be at least partly wrong. Jesus said " Why do you notice the splinter in your brother's eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own eye? ....Remove the wooden beam from your eye first; then you will see clearly to remove the splinter from your brother's eye." (Matthew 7: 3-5.)
6) BE MERCIFUL
Only God knows everyone's hidden hurts and hidden insecurities that drive human beings to struggle to be the most popular, to have the most friends, to be the most powerful, to be in charge of everything. God continually tells us not to judge others, to let Him do the judging. God continually tells us to be merciful instead, in our inner attitudes, and in our outer actions, for God has been extraordinarily merciful to us: "Rather, if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing, you will heap burning coals upon his head. Do not be conquered by evil but conquer evil with good." (Romans 12:20-21.)
To be merciful is the most mature, Christ-like stance. Being merciful means praying for the one who offends us, being kind to him or her, understanding that the other is a wounded soul (as we also are!) and that it is better to understand than to be understood. This is true forgiveness.
"Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you....for the measure you give will be the measure you get back." (Luke 6: 36-38.)
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