BE AUTHENTIC: Being authentic means not being afraid to let ourselves or others know that we're fragile human beings. Often enough, we forget that charity begins at home, and home means ourselves. We may be so afraid of being considered "selfish," or "emotionally weak," that we stay out of touch with or suppress how we're really feeling, and push ourselves into exhaustion, depression, burn-out, addictions, or worse.
Perhaps we've built up an unrealistic self-image, believing that Christians stay strong at all costs. We may be grieving, or physically hurting, but we decide to project an image of stoic self-control, because we don't want to be a burden to others. Yet, doesn't Jesus ask us to be honest and humble? Doesn't that include being willing to accept love and help from others? Bernie S. Siegel, M.D. says
"Being a survivor doesn't mean being strong - it's telling people when you need a meal or a ride, company, whatever. It's paying attention to heart wisdom, feelings, not living a role, but having a unique, authentic life..."
DON'T JUDGE YOURSELF: Jesus tells us not to judge. Usually, we think of not judging in terms of not judging others, but also Jesus tells us not to be hyper-critical about ourselves, because God reserves the right to judge us - and God is Merciful, above all else. God is probably more merciful to us than we are to ourselves! Often we feel guilty and angry at ourselves because of our feelings. Yet, feelings are part of who we are, and they are neutral in themselves. Actions are good or sinful, depending on how we act on those feelings.
There is a positive dimension to every feeling that we have, because each one can be a learning experience. If we try to suppress or deny the feelings of lust, or anger, or envy, or other potentially destructive feelings, we miss out on the positive soul work that happens when we take time to think and pray about WHY we are having this feeling, what may be going on in our marriage, our friendships, our jobs. Then the feeling, once understood, can be dealt with, and it becomes part of our getting to know ourselves and our relationships at a deeper POSITIVE level.
ENJOY GETTING TO KNOW YOURSELF: If we truly love ourselves, we try to get to know ourselves better, what we're thinking, feeling, dreaming. Because we enjoy who we are! Knowing ourselves well is intimacy. We can only be as intimately close to others as we are intimately close to ourselves. We can only be as intimately close to God as we are intimately close to ourselves!
Fr. J.J. O'Leary, S.J. says "God speaks to us in our deepest human experiences, feelings, desires, thoughts, or ideas." God lives in the deepest part within us and is present in our reality - what is happening around us. How we feel inside can affect how we experience and respond to life. The more sensitive we are to what's happening within us, our moods, the more we understand the feelings that we're filtering reality through, and the more honest and upfront we can be with God about how we're viewing and experiencing reality.
In the morning, we're often besieged with many thoughts and feelings about the people and situations in our lives. In honest intimacy with God, our morning prayer can be simply talking to God about our thoughts, feelings, and the situations that are concerning us, - every single positive and negative feeling and thought.
Sharing the deepest part of our lives with God brings God into the heart of who we are right now. We're coming to Him in confident nakedness of spirit, much as Adam and Eve walked naked with God in the Garden of Eden, without shame. We are praying the deepest Prayer of the Heart: authentic, non-judgmental, with true affection for the unique individuals we are, and with trust that God loves every vulnerable, flawed, idiosyncratic, wonderful, part of us. This deep intimacy is the most healing love we can have for ourselves - and the path to experiencing God's healing love for us.
Yes, getting to love ourselves is the hardest thing we'll ever do. Yet this soul work of intimacy with ourselves is the authentic, non-judgmental, truly unconditionally loving path to healing intimacy with everyone we love, - especially to true, joyous and healing intimacy with our God.
"Love your neighbor as you love yourself."
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