At other times in my life, I have hero-worshiped lay people, religious women, or priests, only to find out as I got to know them and knew more about them that they too had hidden faults, and could be blind to the ways that they hurt themselves or hurt other people. I would think about the beautiful things that they said, the deep spiritual insights that they had, and compare their words to their deeds, and then I'd realize that because they knew a lot about God, that didn't mean that they were perfect, because their deeds often did not match their beautiful words.
In other words, these friends of mine were just like me. I too can have beautiful insights about God and say beautiful spiritual words. But my daily deeds can make me hang my head in shame. The ultimate truth is that only God is perfect. The minute we think that we are or should be or that others are or should be, we are deluding ourselves and setting ourselves up to be deeply disillusioned. The more that we can accept ourselves and others as being foolish, sinful, and weak - and at the same time accept that we are God's Glorious Work in Progress, the more humble and tranquil we can become.
Another word for "perfect" is "compassionate." To be as perfect as God is means to be as merciful, loving, and compassionate as God is. God is always powerfully at work in us - but God works gently and gradually in us in a hidden way. He knows each of us inside out, knows how much time we need to grow, to discover who we are, to deepen, to mature. He does not rush us. Yes, at times there are catastrophes in our lives that force us to grow up quickly. But usually all life in this world has a gradual growing and maturing cycle, and that includes us. If we get angry and frustrated with ourselves, we are not behaving towards ourselves as God does - in fact, we are being stubborn and proud.
The person we need to be most merciful and compassionate to is ourselves!
The foolish, selfish one most in need of our forgiveness is ourselves!
The one whose spiritual ascents and descents we should watch over with kind, understanding, patient eyes is ourselves!
Because we cannot and will not be kind, accepting, and understanding of others unless and until we are compassionate and merciful to ourselves as our Heavenly Father is, who comes to meet us, his prodigal children, on the road, and pulls us into a glad embrace.
God does not use a cookie cutter to make saints. My path to holiness is not your path to holiness, and our path to holiness is not the path of the friend who perhaps disillusions us because we can see his/her spiritual blindness better than we can see our own.
God does not use a cookie cutter to make saints. There's no sense in being spiritually jealous of someone else who seems to be more spiritually mature, or to try to become a saint "just like him/her." This is not being compassionate to ourselves or accepting of ourselves. It is not accepting the gentle, gradual work of God in us, God Who is creating something new in us.
Author Rhonda Chervin has great admiration for St. Catherine of Siena, However, the more she came to know about this heroic Saint, the more spiritually intimidated she became at Catherine's spiritual asceticism. Catherine prayed long hours, disciplined her body harshly, and also spent long hours counseling others, feeding the hungry, and nursing the sick. One wonders if she had more than twenty-four hours in her day! Rhonda tells us about the spiritual confusion that happened to her as she read a biography of St. Catherine:
"While reading Raymond's biography of Catherine, I found myself often infused with the same kind of fire she experienced. A great thirst for holiness would come over me, a burning desire for the Eucharist, and for the conversion of others....
"But then between readings I would wonder how anyone could imitate Catherine. Especially, how could so weak a person as myself, who can hardly stand to have my teeth cleaned or to endure a rainy day, think of being like this saint of asceticism?
"And God Himself tells Catherine that He takes no pleasure in sufferings themselves, but only in the generosity of the one who accepts pain for love of Him. He also told her that not all are called to ascetical practices, for each is different in temperament and constitution." (from "Great Saints, Great Friends.")
Rhonda tries to imitate Catherine's lifestyle for a few days, but she becomes depressed. She calls her spiritual director, who laughs and says "God already has Catherine, now He wants you." Rhonda says
"This advice was a great relief, yet it left me feeling at an impasse. How then should I be influenced by Catherine, if I could not be ascetical due to a weak physical constitution.... When I pray about it, what comes to me is that I should be as faithful to God as Catherine was, in doing His will FOR ME. When I believe as deeply, love as strongly, and give of myself as courageously as she did, always getting sustenance from the prayer of union, then I am...God's holy Rhonda."
We are all called to be God's Holy One in a totally unique way. We may learn from observing others, but we shouldn't try to slavishly imitate them. If we are disillusioned by others' words not corresponding to their behavior, we should not become judgmental - God is being as patient and merciful with them as He is with us.
God is working powerfully, gently, and gradually in every soul on earth. And He's not using a cookie cutter! Which is why it's best that we be compassionate with ourselves, laugh at ourselves, forgive ourselves, and gaze deeply at who we are, rather than spend our time observing the foibles and spiritual paths of others. Only by faithful, prayerful unity with God and loving generous service to others will we discover who God gently and gradually is forming us to become and what His holy Will for our lives is. Following God's Will is the only way that we can become truly and totally who we are: a unique splendid star in God's heavens, giving light to others as only we can.