But there's another, deeper meaning to "Find yourself" - the one that Gandhi and Jesus use in conjunction with "Lose yourself." Gandhi puts it "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself." Jesus puts it "the one who loses his life will find his life." They both have the same paradoxical meaning: when we lose ourselves in loving service to others, we find our deepest, truest self/life.
When we're in pain for any reason - physical, mental, emotional, spiritual - we become very focused on ourselves and come close to being paralyzed by fear. We keep asking ourselves "Can I endure this without losing my mind? Will I get through this? Am I going to die?" The pain and fear conspire to cocoon us in our own self-absorbed suffering.
But - if we can forget ourselves, lose ourselves in loving someone else, doing something for someone else, suddenly life comes back into focus, what we are suffering comes into perspective, life and death are seen for what they are - and the fear slowly ebbs away. We have re-found who we are and the reality of our life.
When I lost my son, I thought I would die of a broken heart. I had no energy for life. But, every time I listened to someone pour out his/her heart at Church and I consoled that person, every time I cuddled a grand-child, or made something for a family potluck dinner, I felt part of myself re-surfacing, coming back to life again. I was re-connected to the Great Web of Love and Life that God has strung throughout the Universe.
Talking with others who are in any way different from me helps me discover a deeper part of who I am: a human being connected with other human beings who are my brothers and sisters in our shared humanity. I am a Christian, but I have shared faith in our same Heavenly Father with a gentle Muslim woman. I have shared searching for the truth and discussing the power of love with friends who are cultural Jews and not sure whether they are atheists or agnostics. I have shared an understanding of suffering love with friends who are gay and lesbian, in pain because their lover/spouse, whom they are so in love with, is suffering.
Losing myself in lovingly reaching out to understand others, I simultaneously "die" to my previous stereotypical ideas and see a new Face of God in each new person I meet and come to know. I become humbler, realizing that God and God's designs and plans and creations are so much more mysterious and far-reaching than I, a limited human, can fathom.
Perhaps this is why Jesus stresses loving others so much. True love involves death to self. Any one who has ever fallen in love and committed him/herself to another knows that. Anyone who is a parent knows that. Anyone committed to serving others in any capacity knows that. You have to unselfishly and continuously give over one hundred per cent for any relationship or avocation to survive. Yet the self you find through "death" to your own selfish demands and lifestyle is so much grander and fulfilling than any perfectly organized and self-serving "self" that you were before when you were alone! And in the other you are committed to, you see the Face of God.
God is Love and our final, ultimate Life, the One Whom we are drawn to and through every loving relationship, every gift of service or talent. And every time we serve another, God manifests His glory in unexpected ways to us to reveal that God lives within each of us, a Face that we can see if we only look with eyes of Faith. Jesus has told us this: "Whatever you do to the least of these, you do unto Me." And my deepest self is my reflection of and unity with God.
I saw God's glorious Face just the other day as I sat feeding my Mom and Margo wheeled by, grinning, so I could see how many teeth she is missing, calling "Hello" and asking me how I was doing. Drawing close in her wheelchair, she lifted my hand and kissed it, and I turned her hand over and kissed hers. Gazing into her brown eyes soft with love, I knew God was greeting me through her and my heart turned over.
Later, I pushed another resident's wheelchair down the corridor and into her place by her room, and she unexpectedly took my hand and kissed it. Nearly in tears, I murmured to God "You're kissing me TWICE today? Truly, You are never outdone in generosity."
But, in losing myself in service, I discovered another humbling truth about myself: I realized that I too carry the Divine Spark within. Because Faith told me that, knowing or unknowing, these two women were not caring for me alone when they kissed my hand; they were reverencing the Divine Spark of God they glimpsed within me! This is the truth, the reality, the life we discover through Love: Nothing is our doing, only God's. Everyone, everything, comes from God, is a Gift from God. Die to ourselves through love, and we will discover God's Glorious, Ever-Present Face.
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