But it's more than that, I think. This day is the uncomfortable reminder that I am a sinner. That Someone, Jesus, completely innocent, knows my sins intimately and suffered excruciating pain because of me, winning me back to Him with endless, patient love - and continues to do so daily.
And more. I ponder Jesus' entire life as a gift to me and to all human beings, because by His life, death, and resurrection He teaches all of us how to live and die. His life, like mine, is a turbulent mixture of joys, sorrows, stress, and anguish. Yet He shows me how to bring everything in prayer to His Father and mine - teaching me that God is my Father, Who will bring everything in my life to good for me - right to my life's end - "Thy Will Be Done - Father, into Thy Hands I commend my spirit."
I am in turmoil because of the endless wars going on around me, - in the world, in families that I know, in faith communities that I know. I weep because of the ongoing power struggles, wars of words, personality clashes, alienations. And the crucified Jesus speaks to my heart. He tells me to hold out my arms to either side and reach out to clasp the hands and hearts of all involved, without choosing, without judging, and to offer my endless prayers and inner pain with His for peace and understanding to grow and triumph.
The darkness that grows around Him as He dies, His words of abandonment, show me the depth of His love for me. He allowed Himself to be completely human, to allow His own inner and outer darkness to overpower Him so completely that His Father seemed to be lost to Him in that darkness, - as I have felt so many times when tragedies have struck me blows that will never heal.
My Jesus, on this day beyond all other days, I give you my sinful, sore, battered heart. Take it, and place it within Yours, so that in You, with You, and through You, my sins may be forgiven and my life may also give glory to Your Father and mine.