Paul and I are friends as well as husband and wife. But we don't always walk at the same pace.
"Mary! Where are you?" is my husband's favorite line when we go shopping together. My legs are shorter than his, so, sometimes, rather than trying to keep up, I lag behind him, and get so entranced by a sweater, skirt, or dress that I forget where he is and I disappear right out of his sight.
"Stop acting like my geisha!" is his other favorite line when we are walking down the street. Once again, rather than rush to keep up, I've fallen behind him, and he hates thinking that I appear subservient. He tries to slow down. I try to speed up. But over and over we drift into the speed that's most comfortable for each of us.
One of the times that we consistently walk together at the same pace is when we hold an umbrella together. Then he slows, I speed up, and we walk in rhythm. To keep ourselves steady, we both have a hand on the umbrella's handle. Together we weather the storm safe and dry.
In our approaches to life, however we operate at exactly the opposite speed. I race ahead in my ideas about decision-making and planning, relying on my instincts and gut. Paul likes to go slow, thinking, processing. So I've learned to proceed as if we're under an umbrella and have to move at the same pace. I'll speak my mind and then slow down and wait, patiently wait, until he's decided what he thinks.
He might end up thinking exactly what I think about a decision or a plan. Or - he might decide the opposite:"No, I don't think that now is a good time."
Once again, we both "move back under an umbrella": we have to work together and be friends. Both have to have a hand on the handle to keep ourselves steady. Any decision we make, whether it's vacation plans or whether or not to buy something or how to approach a situation, we have to agree. My gut and instinct and feeling have to be in synchronicity with his thinking, processing, and methodicalness. Between the two of us, utilizing all our gifts, we make the wisest decisions - and stay steady together.
Under the umbrella of our shared strengths, shared goals, shared love, no storms of disagreements, tragedies, or problems can "rain on our parade."
There's only one thing better than holding the handle of an umbrella together, and that's holding hands. Holding hands is a silent pledge of our friendship and togetherness through all kinds of weather. To hold hands we have to be looking in the same direction: forward, to meet life as it comes. The warmth of each one hand is doubled, and the heat travels up our arms into our hearts.
It takes friends, both holding the handle, to keep an umbrella steady over two heads. And, like a sturdy umbrella, "a faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; one that has found one has found a treasure." (Sirach 6: 1-4.)