"This morning after dropping my girls off at their day school, I witnessed the most blatant form of verbal racial abuse I've seen in a long time. A mother and her small child were the victims. They were minding their own business, trying to cross the intersection safely. Luckily, a police officer on his horse happened to be walking next to her when the man started on his rampage. This man frightened her. He demeaned her. He followed her. She was visibly shaken until she was sure he had turned the corner, as she kept looking back over her shoulder. She said nothing. The police officer and I walked next to her quietly until she safely went on her way with her child. It's 2017. There is no space for this."
Later, she added "I often get 'When are you going to move out of the city?' Though asked out of love, friends and family just want us near, John and I made a conscious decision to raise our kids in this city. We are so blessed and thankful to be surrounded with friends from every race, religion, gender and sexuality. It rocked me this morning."
Stephanie was not only courageous, she was smart. She deliberately didn't say anything to the man, because she knew that he was growing more and more agitated, and she didn't want to take the chance that her words would escalate the situation. The police officer also stayed very neutral, probably for the same reason. She hopes that, in the future, the mother and child will remember the sense of safety that she and the police officer gave them rather than the fear and degrading verbal violence that they endured.
It seems as if increasingly people are acting as if they "have permission" to be verbally or even physically abusive to others whom they consider outsiders, outside their "tribal" circle of people who are just like they are, perhaps in race, religion, politics, income, sex, or sexual orientation. I, and others, believe that this "permission" is coming from the example of the current administration, which seems to specialize in exhibiting prejudice and verbal abuse, not only to those who are not loyalists, but even among themselves to each other.
So often people - including some in the current administration - "hide behind" their own ultra-conservative interpretation of the Bible. But, for Jesus, no one was an outsider. No one was outside the wide, warm reach of his loving friendship, and his healing respect. Only a few times in Scripture do we find him angry, and he's not angry with the ordinary Jewish people, or with the sick, or the sinners, or the "outsiders" like the Samaritans, or Canaanites, or even the Romans. He is the Voice of his Father. He's angry with the Jewish religious administration, the Scribes and Pharisees, because they are abusing the ordinary people with their narrow, legalistic interpretation of Mosaic Laws - and he tells them this in clear, prophetic language.
Jesus was not only not afraid to reach out to the outsiders; he was not afraid to speak out in their defense. Now, granted, there's a time to speak and a time to be silent, and a prudent "reading" of every situation will enlighten us regarding our own response. But, if we are witnesses to injustice and abuse, God calls us to be courageous and act, for we who are Christians are the Body of Christ, his hands, feet, and voice, his compassion and mercy, in this world. In fact, if we do not act in some way, we are being sinful.
St. Thomas Aquinas, one of the great Doctors of the Church, says, "To bear with patience wrongs done to oneself is a mark of perfection, but to bear with patience wrongs done to someone else is a mark of imperfection and even of actual sin."
This is what he means:
"To bear with patience wrongs done to oneself" means that I am not going to physically or verbally strike out in uncontrolled anger at someone who denigrates me, because that just keeps the violence going. I've personally been in situations where I had to stand up to people who definitely were not on the "same page" as I was and were actively attacking and insulting my position/stance (though not me personally). I clearly defined my position and stood up for it and eventually decided to handle the situation as I saw fit, without personally insulting or belittling anyone. I felt "wronged" by them, but decided to be patient with them, and I allowed them to "vent." I inwardly accepted that they saw things differently and were spiritually in a "different place," and were as sincere as I was. I'm still in acquaintance mode with them today.
Are there times when it can be sinful to be "too patient" with wrongs done to us? Of course! I'd define as sinful those attitudes/actions that alienate us from ourselves, others, the planet, and - as a believer - from the Mystery/Divine/God and/or do active harm to us, others, or the planet. So, to me, to quietly bear verbal and physical domestic violence either in a family or in a marriage/relationship would be potentially sinful for me to endure if I recognized the harm and did not eventually try to extricate myself from a situation which is actively harming me and alienating me from myself, and others. (I realize this takes time and finding exactly the right support, people, or group to assist.) Of course there are toxic people and toxic environments that no one should have to endure, and which would be objectively (if not necessarily subjectively) sinful for us to endure, as that would be allowing harm to ourselves.
RE. other kinds of personal situations, here's where personal discernment always comes into play.
Being patient with others, always working first for understanding and compromise in difficult situations where we might feel that we are being wronged, should always be the first response of individuals, groups, and nations instead of immediately deciding on retaliatory aggression, and it also is the Work of Mercy of any kind of non-violent protest. The Quakers and Amish have practiced this kind of perfect patience and non-violence for generations. To be able to inwardly forgive and accept that someone or some country or culture is in a different moral place than you are and allow them their own pattern of evolving growth, or to spiritually absorb the verbal violence, can come from a spiritually mature humility, and patience, and kindness, which leads to "perfection." It does not mean that one cannot speak up or calmly defend oneself, but it means to do so with firmness, yes, but also kindness and restraint.
But, to "bear with patience wrongs done to someone else" refers to being passively indifferent to injustice and lack of compassion and refusing to courageously act in the defense of the innocent (including defense of this world which is being so polluted). This is an unholy "patience," a "patience" born of lack of interest. This is the worst kind of imperfection, and, in my opinion, and Thomas' is sinful.
In the Book of Revelations 3:15, 16, God says to the Church at Laodicea "I know your deeds; you are neither cold nor hot. How I wish you were one or the other. So because you are lukewarm -- neither hot nor cold -- I am about to spit you out of My mouth!"
To be lukewarm is to be lethargic, to know at some level that something needs to be done, but to not care enough to do it. To be lukewarm is to be indifferent, to only care about what's happening in our own (relatively) small circle of family and friends. Although, truthfully, people can also be indifferent, unaware, uncaring, about the needs of those who are closest to them! To be lukewarm is to be "patient" with wrongs done to someone else.
The more deeply we love God, the deeper our empathy and sympathy grows for others; it grows easier and easier to mentally and emotionally "walk in their shoes" and then see what help we can give them and desire to give it.
The more deeply we love God, the wider our vision grows until it's as wide and as all-encompassing as God's vision, which encompasses this whole world and all its peoples. Everyone and everything - including people of different races and religions, people with disabilities, both straight and LGBTQ people, people from different political parties - belongs to God and continually receives God's care and concern and respect. Can our hearts stretch this wide? Can we be so on fire with God's love that we stand ready to courageously act and/or speak when we see one of God's people being hurt, abused, or treated unjustly?
How can we begin? Stephanie hints at a way to start when she says:
"We are so blessed and thankful to be surrounded with friends from every race, religion, gender and sexuality."
Everyone of us should be able to say this! It is only in a culture of friendship and one-on-one encounter that we begin to really see and understand and, yes, love those who are different from us in some way. How can we be sensitive to the loves and stresses and fears in another individual's or group's life if we do not truly know them? How can we stand ready to act and to speak if we do not know others at a basic human, friendship level?
So often I read and hear derogatory comments from people about "that relative of mine," or "blacks," or "Puerto Ricans," or "transgenders," or "gays and lesbians," or "people in same- sex marriages," or "people divorced and remarried outside the church," or "the poor on welfare," or "Muslims," or "Jews." These derogatory comments tell me that these people don't actually KNOW their relatives, or don't KNOW anyone from these groups. They don't know the hearts, minds, and souls of the people whom they are verbally attacking. Worse, they don't seem to care that they don't. Yet some of these comments come from people who claim to "follow Jesus"!
I pray that all of us pray to receive the mind and heart of Jesus Who never rejects anyone. I pray that all of us stand ready to welcome into our lives the people who are most different from us, and are thankful and blessed by their presence. I pray that all of us stand ready to defend and assist the hurting, verbally and physically abused persons whom God sends into our lives. Because God is depending on us to love and care for them in His Name. Otherwise - we're sinning.
As our beloved Stephanie says, "It's 2017, folks. There is no space for this."