For me, being sick, or recuperating from surgery, and feeling in pain and physically weak is one of the worst ways to feel. What makes me feel good and worthwhile is interacting with people, accomplishing things, getting things organized and done. I feel my worst emotionally when I think of my house, office, my family and friends, my other responsibilities, and know that for now my life has come to a standstill.
Also, the depression that is part of grief has made me feel physically paralyzed and weak, unable at times to do much of anything except lie on a couch and either sleep or stare into space because my heart is splintered and in shock.
When I feel physically, mentally, or emotionally weak, I think of all the people I know who are dealing with far more serious challenges. Recuperation from serious surgeries. Or strokes. Or other serious, weakening illnesses like Crohn's disease, cancer, heart disease, diabetes, neurological diseases.... Or going through chemo or radiation. Or coping with mental illness.
Illness, weakness, can affect anyone emotionally. You are much more vulnerable to depression, mood swings, feelings of uselessness, worthlessness. Your life feels out of control. Sometimes it's a constant battle to feel upbeat, positive, when all you want to do is sleep.
Prayer and meditation can come to a standstill too. You haven't got the energy or concentration to stay with any kind of a prayer for very long. Often the most you can say is "Jesus" or "God help me."
Yet our whole life is a prayer. Our whole life is a gift. Abraham Heschel, Jewish teacher of spirituality, says "Just to be is a blessing, just to be is holy." When we believe that our life is holy, then we can see that every moment, every experience, can become a blessing. It depends on how we look at every moment, and how we cope or deal with every moment. Sometimes we can even discover blessings flowing from the most tragic, weakening experiences.
Jane McGonigal, PhD, is co-founder and co-designer of alternate reality games that are designed to improve real lives and solve real problems. One of these games is SuperBetter, a game that helps people tackle real-life health challenges such as depression, anxiety, chronic pain, and traumatic brain injury.
McGonigal says "Scientists have demonstrated that dramatic, positive changes can occur in our lives as a direct result of facing an extreme challenge - whether its coping with a serious illness, daring to quit smoking, or dealing with depression. Researchers call this 'post-traumatic growth."
Regina Brett, American journalist and cancer survivor, agrees. "Cancer taught me to stop saving things for a special occasion. Every day is special. You don't have to get cancer to start living life to the fullest. My post-cancer philosophy? No wasted time. No ugly clothes. No boring movies."
Brett also has hard-won advice about creatively coping with life moment to moment, advice I've used myself in dealing with the overwhelming paralysis of grief and depression:
"Some days, 24 hours is too much to stay put in, so I take the day hour by hour, moment by moment. I break the task. the challenge,the fear, into small, bite-size pieces. I can handle a piece of fear, depression, anger, pain, sadness, loneliness, illness. I actually put my hands up to my face, one next to each eye, like blinders on a horse."
Post-traumatic growth happens because in the midst of physical, mental, or emotional weakness, we discover the true coping gifts that we possess: Our strength. Our courage. Our resilience. We also re-organize our priorities so that they're healthier. Saner. We discover the reality that there is love, goodness, worthwhileness, hope, and sweetness in life to balance the sorrow - but we have to choose to live a positive life to experience this, and choose to live over and over again.
Another blessing that can flow from illness is that in slowing down, we have more time to recognize God walking in solidarity with us, even carrying us. From his own experiences, St. Paul tells us that he suffered a particular illness or weakness and three times begged God to remove it. God said to him "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness."
St. Paul, knowing his life is a prayer, says he has discovered "when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12: 8-10.) When our lives flow with goodness, peace, strength, love, courage, and hope in spite of personal illnesses and tragedy, we are alive and bright with the power and light of God. Our discovery of the quiet, constant miracle of God's supportive presence can be one of the blessings that comes from illness. But we also become a blessing for others whose faith is renewed because our positive life, our hope, in spite of illness and weakness, is a witness to God's power made perfect in our weakness.